Dark Side of the Moon

Type Moon => Fanfiction => Topic started by: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 07:44:07 PM

Title: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 07:44:07 PM

This is a place for the presentation and discussion of original characters in the nasuverse. Satoshi is one of mine but I know there are others out there.

I want to be clear that this thread is to be a safe place, be polite, respectful and accept that the answers you receive are not always going to be the one you want, accept them gracefully  and do not cause a scene because you disagree with interpretations.

I will present my characters later but for the moment I am somewhat out of touch on pain killers.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 10, 2013, 07:55:43 PM

Mumei 'Mu' Munashi is my only Nasuverse OC Character

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 10, 2013, 08:06:11 PM

I suppose the only one that applies would be my Nameless Enforcer from Clockworking, a magus who in a (Rather heretical and dehumanizing fashion) removed his own limbs to replace them with steampunkish contraptions that could take punishment better and apply more force. He's also a specialist in blood magic.

I really don't have much more on him than that aside from the fact that he's pretty much on the fast track to being a self induced sociopath.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 08:15:41 PM

Well tells us about mu mord. As for your character arch is that really it? He sounds like he's conceptually a character who deserves more details. I mean he is intriguing but more is better when it comes to enforcer characters.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 10, 2013, 08:46:15 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 08:15:41 PM

Well tells us about mu mord. As for your character arch is that really it? He sounds like he's conceptually a character who deserves more details. I mean he is intriguing but more is better when it comes to enforcer characters.

That's really it. He was made for a one shot action sequence so yeah, not much more than "Basic character Info Here" was required for him.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 08:48:17 PM

He should get a story. He's interesting enough to drive a story as is and more details will make him great.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on November 11, 2013, 01:07:58 AM

In terms of actually having a story to them, the only OC that really qualifies is my freelancer who lives in Montreal. He currently only has one story to him(Another Day, Another Job), but back during the contest he was in, I had like five story ideas and he was protagonist to them all. So maybe he might pop up again.

His name's William Templar, but it started out as William Lebreaux. Used to be he was heir to the Lebreaux magus family, who are a bunch of france frenchies who have a home in London to stay close to the clocktower. They remain very close to their ancestry however, and drill their children with the french language from a young age.

A stoic man of few words, many grunts and a temper he has to restrain every now and then, William is still at his core a magus and spends many hours studying and researching to improve his craft. His element is fire, and he fights by using his familial crest and an old family staff he took before leaving home, which pretty much acts as a voice-activated revolver with a ''Fire Everything'' command, instead that it shoots firebolts instead of lead.

BACKSTORY: The Lebreaux family had two sons, and both were trained as magi by demand of the patriarch. In standard fashion, however, the first son was born with more and better circuitry than his brother. The first son was William, and his brother, forced to live in his shadow in both status, magic ability and size, was a meek boy called Pascal. These two brothers were very close.

After their mother died and only a week later their father had decided to remarry, William flew into a rage and beat his dad (Who didn't fight back, what if something happened to the familial crest when he did?) within an inch of his life and ran away from home, finding himself lost and alone. He wandered the streets of London with no one to turn to, until his brother finally caught up to him while accompanied by an old man.

Unknown to William, the old man was his grandfather on his mother's side. He introduced himself as Jean-François Dubois, and told him he had somewhere for him to live, if he were to take on a job. It was simple: Protect Jean-François's spiritual land in his many absences, as one of the lead researchers of the Clocktower's archaeology department. His spiritual land, a place which drew inhabitants long before the colonists came running, was in a place considered a backwater by the modern magus society: Canada.

Figuring he needed someplace to live, someplace preferably as far as possible from his jerk father, William accepted. He said his goodbyes to his brother, and promised that he'd find a way to stay in contact. At the tender age of 18, William left home and London for the first time of his life, and would only return ten years later, in a story not yet told. He changed his name as well, to make sure he had no ties to the father he despised.

He settled into a small apartment, and started working odd jobs for whoever could pay to add to his influx of money from Jean-François. After a particular case where a return client asked him to spy on her husband whom she thought was having an affair, when it turned out he'd become a criminal, William entertained the possibility of becoming a private detective. Oddly enough, private detectives looked no different from freelancers to his average Magus Client, something he never really particularly minded.

Young and easily influenced, he used his pay from that time to buy himself a longcoat, which he later learned was called a Duster, just to look like all the other detectives from the books he'd read. He spent time and effort into turning the duster into a mystic code, one that provided defense and masked his presence by catching his residual od.

Only later did he realize the coat made him look like a fool and he regretted ever buying it. By then it was already completely a mystic code, however, and he did not really have the time to redo the process on something else. And it did provide good coverage, being so long. So when he worries for his health before leaving to handle a job, he begrudgingly takes it with him. He also dropped the title of private detective, and simply advertises himself as a freelancer, one who can take care of whatever you need. The ambiguous title lessened his normal-people clientele and got him looks from the police, but the latter he was getting anyway and the former he didn't really mind, seeing as Magus clientele paid in ridiculous amounts.

It was after his little tryst as a private detective that he started refusing Jean-François's money, because he figured he shouldn't get paid twice for doing one job.

On one of his many jobs did he encounter the mysterious figure Anne, who had decided that she liked William and would help him keep the peace in the city. She would only help him when something supernatural was involved, however. Her aid has proven invaluable, but her attitude has also proven grating and a test to William's patience as well. Somehow, Anne has found a way to monitor the entirety of Montreal, even areas thought inn inaccessible. William has no idea how this works, but it has proven useful to him on many occasions. And asking another Magus how their stuff works, mostly when they are an ally, is incredibly rude and terrible form because of the way mystery functions in the nasuverse.

In the story Another Day, Another Job, William gets a wolf puppy, one of Fenrir's descendants, a fact hardly even noticeable because the blood is so diluted. This particular puppy he was allowed to have only because of two things: 1) The puppy was already looked over and know to have no mystic potential whatsoever, and doubled with that had a nasty infection in one of its eyes made it both half-blind and unpresentable and 2) the man who gave him the job, Johnathan McKagan, was not a magus, was winging it at this point because the happenings were all unexpected, and he was told to dispose of the puppy anyway.

William later called the puppy Wodan(Another way of saying Odin) to make fun of it's single working eye. The puppy itself never developed any mystic talent, but grew to be massive and has an abnormal amount of magic resistance. Wodan never really forgot what William did to its mother, but at the same time does not take its revenge because William feeds him. He does go out of his way to make William's life difficult though, whenever he has the occasion.


So yeah, there's my OC and his orchestra.

Honestly, I had another story planned for William. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to it, though, because I've in such a rut right now it's not even funny.

And no, William still doesn't know that Jean-François is his grandpa.

AND NO HE'S NOT DRESDEN LITE HE HATES HIS COAT HIS DOG HATES HIM HIS STAFF IS A REVOLVER INSTEAD OF A SWISS ARMY KNIFE AND HE DOESN'T MAKE REFERENCES EVERY TWO LINES LIKE A GIGANTIC NERD

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 03:29:23 AM

See that's just neat. OC's are requirement I think to keep fan fiction from becoming too similar. It's the little guys that make the story.

I have a big OC though so he's more prominent.

the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.

the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.

Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later  but I hope everyone understands so far.

continuing.

The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration  causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.

after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.

Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory  in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.

Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.

Satoshi learned how to use firearms secretly from his grandfather, although disliking the practice and not having mastery of the craft he knows more than enough to use them.

Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing.  The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 11, 2013, 05:49:51 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 10, 2013, 08:15:41 PM

Well tells us about mu mord.

Okay then.

Mu is the last heir to an old eastern magus clan, the Munashi to be specific. In terms of relevance the Munashi were practically the japanese version of the Irish Fraga Clan, like the Fraga the Munashi could trace their lineage back to the Age of Gods and to a priest-turned-sellsword who had recovered a weapon, a Naginata which the clan would safeguard. The naginata was in fact the Amenonuhoko, the heavenly jewelled spear used by the shinto genesis gods Izanami and Izanagi to create the islands of Japan. Mu's family would watch over the weapon and safeguard it existence, keeping it out of the grasp of the more power hungry individuals. Mu's clan had two strongholds, one located at Hiroshima which hosted the majority of his clan's numbers in which all of whom were wiped out in 1945 and the other being in Tokyo which functioned as the Clan's storage facility for achieves, treasures, and weapons. After the second world war came to an end, Mu's clan which numbered in the hundreds before the war was reduced to just over fifty survivors with less than a quarter of them being capable of reproducing.

Due to that and time itself, Mu was the only child of his generation to be born. Upon reaching his mid-teens, very few elder members remained in the clan and many of them were on their last legs. Before he reached his 18th birthday the very last elder died in his sleep, Mu taking the initiative began to pack away all of the artifacts, achieves, and treasures acquired by the Munashi clan over the years as well as the arsenal of weapons used and enhanced by his clan members. Rather than remain in a decrepit old compound, alone and to himself he chose to set the last stronghold of the Munashi clan alight before leaving the scene. With his own custom arsenal of weapons and those of his predecessors, Mu made a name for himself as an assassin and mercenary for hire. Now Mu was not poor, his clan had made a great deal of arrangements over the years prior to and after the war that had resulted in a great deal of money in the Munashi accounts. For example Mu's great grandfather made a deal with the Fraga clan of Ireland by offering a pair of artifacts to the Fraga in exchange for the price of just one artifact and lessons in the workings and crafting of Irish Runes, one of those artifacts would later be used for the fifth war by Bazett Fraga McRemittz to summon the Hound of Ulster with the second being a piece of rune-inscribed cloth belonging to Scathach. Or in another case where his clan sold an artifact later used by Kayneth Archibald the late El-Melloi, to summon Lancer in the fourth holy grail war.

Prior to arriving in Nexus city, he was expected to go off on a job to a hostile region, a region where he was not aware of the recent arrival of a magus-turned-dead apostle that had only just begun operating there. Mu didn't know this and neither did his employer, had Mu not been plucked and deposited in Nexus City he would have had to face a dead apostle or worse encounter Lady Barthomelloi's hunting party that was set to go after the former magus.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 07:38:06 AM

The only thing I find off is the idea that the artifacts used in the grail wars were sold or traded to the master of the lancers, particularly in the case of the fraga clan.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 02:22:02 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Bazett had Lancer's earring due to being descended from him, and it was related to why she wanted to summon him in the first place.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on November 11, 2013, 08:08:03 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 03:29:23 AM

See that's just neat.

I sure hope so. I spent two weeks of shower-time* thinking about this guy and his backstory.

*I think of my characters and stories mostly while in the shower. It stimulates my thoughts, what can I say.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 09:18:06 PM

Heat encourages blood flow which causes the brain to work more efficiently. Makes sense to me.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 10:47:00 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 03:29:23 AM

See that's just neat. OC's are requirement I think to keep fan fiction from becoming too similar. It's the little guys that make the story.

I have a big OC though so he's more prominent.

the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.

the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.

I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.

Quote

Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later  but I hope everyone understands so far.

continuing.

The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration  causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.

after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.

...I have no words for how stupid this is. This is... just... fucking idiotic. Fucking idiotic. It doesn't even make any sense. At all. It's like, you... I can't. It's so bad that criticizing it is futile.

Quote

Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory  in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.

...NOooooope. Noooope. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE.

*Flips table*

LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 10:55:05 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 10:47:00 PM

I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.

Not if his plan is to destroy Akasha or corrupt itself, which is outside any individual universe.

I don't know the exact detail of what Lantz is doing here, but I have had a similar plot idea before. Whether it's actually possible I'm not sure, Nasu is not overly clear on these things....

Quote

...NOooooope. Noooope. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE.

*Flips table*

LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.

Magos, cut it out. We don't want you attacking Lantz in every thread you can find, and we certainly don't want you flipping out every time Satoshi is mentioned. If you can't keep calm and refrain from attacking Lantz, then don't bother commenting.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:05:13 PM

I can point out a number of stories that use the multiple worlds theory to the same effect I have. Notably crisis on infinite earths and chrono cross. The consensus I received from other users on bl who backed up their claims with research was that Zelretch loses the second magic at some point. They attributed this to his transformation into a vampire. I trust those users therefore I have used their interpretation. The rest of what you have to say clearly shows you cannot read as the first post is quite clear that this is a polite, safe thread to present the characters.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:08:24 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 10:55:05 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 10:47:00 PM

I... what? Multiverse theory doesn't state that you moron. Multiverse means that there's one universe that he wins in. That's it. Not all of them, just ONE. And how the fuck is Zel no longer the second sorcerer. How. Just. How.

Not if his plan is to destroy Akasha or corrupt itself, which is outside any individual universe.

I don't know the exact detail of what Lantz is doing here, but I have had a similar plot idea before. Whether it's actually possible I'm not sure, Nasu is not overly clear on these things....

Quote

...NOooooope. Noooope. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPE.

*Flips table*

LANTZ THIS IS THE FUCKING REASON WE CRY SUE - IT MAKES NO SENSE, IS CONTRIVED AS FUCK, MAKES YOUR OC THE CHOSEN ONE FOR NO FUCKING DECENTLY PLAUSIBLE REASON WHAT SO EVER, OVERPOWERS HIM INTO THE STRATOSPHERE, MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A CROWBAR, AND SCREAM LIKE A MADMAN.

Magos, cut it out. We don't want you attacking Lantz in every thread you can find, and we certainly don't want you flipping out every time Satoshi is mentioned. If you can't keep calm and refrain from attacking Lantz, then don't bother commenting.

Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.

Oh, no, I'm not attacking Lantz, I'm attacking his OC. You seem to not be able to tell the fucking difference. Do you want me to go over in more detail WHY this is wrong?

1st, you do not just simply 'Lose' the ability to do the Second Magic.

2. Medea would never fucking do anything for free or for that matter, I doubt Herc would even bother teaching him shit.

3. His origin spreading to other universes? That doesn't make sense and it doesn't work that way.

4. Why this dude in specific? Why the Gilgamesh shit? How am I supposed to find any of this remotely plausible in the context of the Nasuverse? Because I can't, no matter how hard I look I simply can't find a sense of plausibility.

5. This seems to be a self insert sue and character however I look at it. He's just... impossible. He rapes canon like the Nazi's did Eastern Europe. An OC should fit within canon. Satoshi doesn't.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:09:49 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:05:13 PM

I can point out a number of stories that use the multiple worlds theory to the same effect I have. Notably crisis on infinite earths and chrono cross. The consensus I received from other users on bl who backed up their claims with research was that Zelretch loses the second magic at some point. They attributed this to his transformation into a vampire. I trust those users therefore I have used their interpretation. The rest of what you have to say clearly shows you cannot read as the first post is quite clear that this is a polite, safe thread to present the characters.

>Using Crisis on Infinite Earths as a source
...Lantz. Just. Why.

And no, Zel hasn't lost the second magic. Fucking links man or you're full of shit.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 11, 2013, 11:14:32 PM

What Cherry is trying to say is that it's not worth getting angry over. I suspect some of what you said in that big ol' paragraph of doom is just emphasized for dramatic effect, but like I've said elsewhere, it's not worth the upset. Trust me, that just leads to "fun" things like a depressed immune system (the usage of "depressed" is legit here, I swear!  :-X), and from recent personal experience, I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. (If I sound like I'm talking down to you, that's not intentional, and I'm sorry.)

Unrelated to that though, I do find the whole "Toshi is a paradox" thing a bit much. Same with how you (lantz) state the multiverse theory works.

Name's OC looks really interesting. :3 I get mild Dresden vibes from that description maybe, but not to the point that he's Dresden-lite. :) ...Though then my brain's not the best anyway right now, so take that with a grain of salt. :P

Magos should expand on his sometime. :3 Tell us what his favorite brand of ice cream is or what brew he likes his coffee or something.

Mu's stuff is interesting.

...I should probably write something about Mille and Finn in here even though I pretty much made them up from scratch for the RP, huh? ^_^"

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:19:58 PM

Quote from: Alice on November 11, 2013, 11:14:32 PM

Magos should expand on his sometime. :3 Tell us what his favorite brand of ice cream is or what brew he likes his coffee or something.

He actually avoids coffee (he dislikes the taste), along with alcohol. He's taking a fuckload of immunosuppresants because otherwise his body would flat out reject his new limbs. Think of them like Crests, except instead of being sorta slowly implanted and adapting to your body somewhat,  are instead always in the 'REJECTION' stage Rin mentions where the body wants to get rid of it.

He does have a sweet tooth actually. He eats a lot of supermarket brand stuff because he's a cheap bastard.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:21:13 PM

No Arch. I was told this when did extensive research into everything in the Nasuverse. I am not obligated to provide you with anything  even if the links were still available to me in light of your behavior I refuse. The consensus I received was Zel loses the magic. The theory was vampirism was the cause.

I am giving examples of stories based on the same principle facts and theories, you're welcome to dislike my choice of example but I I'm not going to change it.

you are well within your right to not like him Alice but I did the research and in light of that I have the right to do as I wish.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:23:13 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:21:13 PM

No Arch. I was told this when did extensive research into everything in the Nasuverse. I am not obligated to provide you with anything  even if the links were still available to me in light of your behavior I refuse. The consensus I received was Zel loses the magic. The theory was vampirism was the cause.

I am giving examples of stories based on the same principle facts and theories, you're welcome to dislike my choice of example but I I'm not going to change it.

you are well within your right to not like him Alice but I did the research and in light of that I have the right to do as I wish.

AKA you don't have sources and are pulling shit out of your ass. Thanks for confirming that Lantz.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 11:25:50 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:09:49 PM

And no, Zel hasn't lost the second magic. Fucking links man or you're full of shit.

Lantz doesn't have to find citations for every element of his plot. As long as what he is saying is plausible then it is not up to him to prove it absolutely.

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:08:24 PM

Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.

Well, Sakura kind-of managed it....

Quote

Oh, no, I'm not attacking Lantz, I'm attacking his OC. You seem to not be able to tell the fucking difference. Do you want me to go over in more detail WHY this is wrong?

Magos, you're attacking Lantz's writing ability. And, you called him a "moron", too. Further, none of that was in any way constructive. You were just shouting at him.

Quote

1st, you do not just simply 'Lose' the ability to do the Second Magic.

Can you prove this?

Quote

2. Medea would never fucking do anything for free or for that matter, I doubt Herc would even bother teaching him shit.

I think she would do things for free if she was dealing with a friend, and in any case Lantz never said it was necessarily free. Medea is somewhat selfish, but she's not completely lacking in any ability to be kind to people.

Quote

3. His origin spreading to other universes? That doesn't make sense and it doesn't work that way.

Not sure what you mean. His soul was, not his origin.

Quote

4. Why this dude in specific? Why the Gilgamesh shit? How am I supposed to find any of this remotely plausible in the context of the Nasuverse? Because I can't, no matter how hard I look I simply can't find a sense of plausibility.

Well, from the sounds of it is is somewhat contrived, but by design. As Lantz said, in a multiverse anything that can happen will happen. And, they set it up to be this way.

Quote

5. This seems to be a self insert sue and character however I look at it. He's just... impossible. He rapes canon like the Nazi's did Eastern Europe. An OC should fit within canon. Satoshi doesn't.

Magos, please stop the "Sue" stuff, it's really not constructive and it is always going to annoy people.

Quote from: Alice on November 11, 2013, 11:14:32 PM

What Cherry is trying to say is that it's not worth getting angry over. I suspect some of what you said in that big ol' paragraph of doom is just emphasized for dramatic effect, but like I've said elsewhere, it's not worth the upset. Trust me, that just leads to "fun" things like a depressed immune system (the usage of "depressed" is legit here, I swear!  :-X), and from recent personal experience, I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. (If I sound like I'm talking down to you, that's not intentional, and I'm sorry.)

Yeah, that's roughly true but, also, I do think he should stop having a go at Lantz for the sake of having a go at Lantz. It's not nice and it puts people off posting things if they expect to get flamed for them. If he has something constructive to say then fine, and if he has an actual reason to argue it then fine, but just going after Lantz for the sake of going after Lantz helps no-one.

The second post is somewhat better, though (although you are still being somewhat rude). Less angry and you're actually explaining the issue. The most annoying thing for a writer is to get told "it's shit" without any explanation. I got that when I tried writing my story and it stopped me doing it for about three years....

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...I should probably write something about Mille and Finn in here even though I pretty much made them up from scratch for the RP, huh? ^_^"

Yeah, I need to add Kiyoshi and siblings at some point. And possibly some other OCs, too....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:29:34 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 11:25:50 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:09:49 PM

And no, Zel hasn't lost the second magic. Fucking links man or you're full of shit.

Lantz doesn't have to find citations for every element of his plot. As long as what he is saying is plausible then it is not up to him to prove it absolutely.

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:08:24 PM

Mainly because it isn't possible. Angry Manjuice and CM working together is simply impossible, as they are totally incompatible entities. AM is just simply pure evil. There's no negotiating with it, there's no allying with it it just IS. It'd be like cutting a deal with a rock. It's just not possible.

Well, Sakura kind-of managed it....

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Oh, no, I'm not attacking Lantz, I'm attacking his OC. You seem to not be able to tell the fucking difference. Do you want me to go over in more detail WHY this is wrong?

Magos, you're attacking Lantz's writing ability. And, you called him a "moron", too. Further, none of that was in any way constructive. You were just shouting at him.

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1st, you do not just simply 'Lose' the ability to do the Second Magic.

Can you prove this?

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2. Medea would never fucking do anything for free or for that matter, I doubt Herc would even bother teaching him shit.

I think she would do things for free if she was dealing with a friend, and in any case Lantz never said it was necessarily free. Medea is somewhat selfish, but she's not completely lacking in any ability to be kind to people.

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3. His origin spreading to other universes? That doesn't make sense and it doesn't work that way.

Not sure what you mean. His soul was, not his origin.

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4. Why this dude in specific? Why the Gilgamesh shit? How am I supposed to find any of this remotely plausible in the context of the Nasuverse? Because I can't, no matter how hard I look I simply can't find a sense of plausibility.

Well, from the sounds of it is is somewhat contrived, but by design. As Lantz said, in a multiverse anything that can happen will happen. And, they set it up to be this way.

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5. This seems to be a self insert sue and character however I look at it. He's just... impossible. He rapes canon like the Nazi's did Eastern Europe. An OC should fit within canon. Satoshi doesn't.

Magos, please stop the "Sue" stuff, it's really not constructive and it is always going to annoy people.

Quote from: Alice on November 11, 2013, 11:14:32 PM

What Cherry is trying to say is that it's not worth getting angry over. I suspect some of what you said in that big ol' paragraph of doom is just emphasized for dramatic effect, but like I've said elsewhere, it's not worth the upset. Trust me, that just leads to "fun" things like a depressed immune system (the usage of "depressed" is legit here, I swear!  :-X), and from recent personal experience, I can tell you it's not worth it in the long run. (If I sound like I'm talking down to you, that's not intentional, and I'm sorry.)

Yeah, that's roughly true but, also, I do think he should stop having a go at Lantz for the sake of having a go at Lantz. It's not nice and it puts people off posting things if they expect to get flamed for them. If he has something constructive to say then fine, and if he has an actual reason to argue it then fine, but just going after Lantz for the sake of going after Lantz helps no-one.

The second post is somewhat better, though (although you are still being somewhat rude). Less angry and you're actually explaining the issue. The most annoying thing for a writer is to get told "it's shit" without any explanation. I got that when I tried writing my story and it stopped me doing it for about three years....

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...I should probably write something about Mille and Finn in here even though I pretty much made them up from scratch for the RP, huh? ^_^"

Yeah, I need to add Kiyoshi and siblings at some point. And possibly some other OCs, too....

But it ISN'T Plausible. At all.

As for that, Sakura was getting it through a filter. And all AM did was let her darkest desires and intentions come to the fore. The Grail acted as a buffer.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 11, 2013, 11:35:05 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:29:34 PM

But it ISN'T Plausible. At all.

I dunno, I could easily see Nasu dumping something like that in there. Particularly since he's a Dead Apostle.

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As for that, Sakura was getting it through a filter.

Well, yeah, sure, but I would imagine Lantz is talking about the same thing.

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And all AM did was let her darkest desires and intentions come to the fore. The Grail acted as a buffer.

That's not entirely true. For example, at the end, when she rejects it, it actively attacks Shirou even though she doesn't want it to. It also does corrupt her thought processes so she thinks things she wouldn't usually think and considers things she wouldn't usually consider (cutting Shirou's arm off to prevent him fighting, for example), even if it does ultimately act based on her darker emotions.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:36:50 PM

I am not obligated to provide a rude person with any information. I am not obligated to use your interpretation of any theory that possesses multiple interpretations. And finally I am not obligated to accept your view point or opinions. In short Arch, leave me alone  until you can act properly.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:56:19 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 11:36:50 PM

I am not obligated to provide a rude person with any information. I am not obligated to use your interpretation of any theory that possesses multiple interpretations. And finally I am not obligated to accept your view point or opinions. In short Arch, leave me alone  until you can act properly.

While you're not obligated to use my interpretation you're also obligated to explain it's your interpretation, when asked where it comes from (And providing fucking LINKS) and to in general not act like a spoiled little brat about your story denying any criticism leveled at it for valid reasons. Another thing is that while you don't have to accept or even like my opinions, you need to acknowledge that my opinions are likely not just my own opinions and will probably be the opinions of a good segment of your audience. Instead of asking "Hey, why do they find something wrong with this." you seem to be going down the path of "I'm the author I'm always right." which is a horrible thing to do in fanfiction especially. Not only are you the one who usually acts improperly (Deleting threads for a bit of criticism and advice, whining about how we don't get it, refusing to even acknowledge that something might need to be improved, and a billion other things that I could go on and on about) you also never admit it when you are wrong, and you never FIX it either.

Lantz. Honestly, I don't hate you. I don't. I want to help you, I want to make you a better writer. But you simply don't acknowledge any valid feedback thrown at you, brushing it off. The way you present your ideas to us doesn't help either. You won't even admit "Yeah, I changed this to make the story work better." It's always your way or the highway and frankly, I'm fucking sick of that attitude. I'm sick of your 'don't like don't read' claims. I'm sick of your refusal to edit your shit. I'm sick in general of your antics and victim complex. Nobody is out to get you Lantz, but if you keep acting like you do I can't say there won't eventually be somebody.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on November 12, 2013, 12:06:48 AM

Little point, as the person trying to disprove his interpretation, one used for creating a piece of fanfiction, it'd be up to you to find sources stating that his interpretation is incorrect, instead of the other way around. Fanfiction at its core involves making something up, after all, whether it's a story or a whole bunch of stuff.

That being said, full stop on this. I get the feeling that if it's not reined in now, it'll devolve down into something very personal and unwanted by everyone.

So Magos's post? It's the last one on this particular subject. We're done, right here and right now. Everyone move on and talk about something else.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 12, 2013, 12:09:10 AM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 11, 2013, 11:56:19 PM

While you're not obligated to use my interpretation you're also obligated to explain it's your interpretation, when asked where it comes from (And providing fucking LINKS)

Actually, no, he isn't. It is completely unreasonable to expect him to remember the source of every bit of information he has used to write his stories and to keep around a pile of links just in case someone asks him for one.

Unless you can provide actual evidence that his interpretation is wrong, you have no right to complain, really. So far you have both provided the same amount of evidence for your beliefs, that being absolutely none. Therefore, he is just as entitled to believe his as you are to believe yours. Only, it's his story and, therefore, his interpretation applies.

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and to in general not act like a spoiled little brat about your story denying any criticism leveled at it for valid reasons.

Magos, when you're rude to someone and start shouting abuse and calling their character a Mary Sue, you can't really be surprised that they don't particularly want to talk to you about it....

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Another thing is that while you don't have to accept or even like my opinions, you need to acknowledge that my opinions are likely not just my own opinions and will probably be the opinions of a good segment of your audience.

That's not necessarily true, though, although it may often be. You can easily have an interpretation that is completely different from everyone else's.

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Instead of asking "Hey, why do they find something wrong with this." you seem to be going down the path of "I'm the author I'm always right." which is a horrible thing to do in fanfiction especially. Not only are you the one who usually acts improperly (Deleting threads for a bit of criticism and advice, whining about how we don't get it, refusing to even acknowledge that something might need to be improved, and a billion other things that I could go on and on about) you also never admit it when you are wrong, and you never FIX it either.

I don't think that's entirely true. Asking why people find something wrong with it is not the same as being expected to agree with their interpretation. And, the Nasuverse does have quite a lot of room for interpretation, because Nasu is rarely clear on things.

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Lantz. Honestly, I don't hate you. I don't. I want to help you, I want to make you a better writer. But you simply don't acknowledge any valid feedback thrown at you, brushing it off. The way you present your ideas to us doesn't help either. You won't even admit "Yeah, I changed this to make the story work better." It's always your way or the highway and frankly, I'm fucking sick of that attitude. I'm sick of your 'don't like don't read' claims. I'm sick of your refusal to edit your shit. I'm sick in general of your antics and victim complex. Nobody is out to get you Lantz, but if you keep acting like you do I can't say there won't eventually be somebody.

Well, Lantz does acknowledge valid feedback, although I do agree he does not often change things based on it. I can't argue with you about the presentation, though, Lantz is quite poor at communicating what he really means, and comes off a lot worse than he should as a result.

However, whilst you might have some valid points, "don't like, don't read" is an entirely reasonable thing to say, ultimately. If you simply cannot stand something about his story that is fundamental to it, then he is clearly not going to change it for your benefit. That applies to any author. In that case, "don't like, don't read" is the only reasonable thing to say. No story can appeal to everyone, and an author should not be expected to fundamentally adjust the story they're trying to tell to appeal to the majority.

Quote from: NamesAreHardToComeUpWith on November 12, 2013, 12:06:48 AM

Little point, as the person trying to disprove his interpretation, one used for creating a piece of fanfiction, it'd be up to you to find sources stating that his interpretation is incorrect, instead of the other way around. Fanfiction at its core involves making something up, after all, whether it's a story or a whole bunch of stuff.

Yeah, agreed.

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That being said, full stop on this. I get the feeling that if it's not reined in now, it'll devolve down into something very personal and unwanted by everyone.

Yeah, it seems to be heading that way....

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So Magos's post? It's the last one on this particular subject. We're done, right here and right now. Everyone move on and talk about something else.

Well, I didn't notice your post and I'm not deleting mine after I wrote it but, yeah, I suggest we stop here....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 12, 2013, 12:11:58 AM

Cherry.  :-\

As for moving the subject to something else, since I'm actually a bit tuckered out, I'll actually take questions on my aforementioned OCs for now in place of an infodump. :) It's a bit more informal than a big infodump from me anyway, plus I get to see if I'm actually making them interesting enough to warrant asking about or not.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 12, 2013, 12:12:44 AM

Fair enough names although after this incident I think I won't be continuing to use the thread.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 12, 2013, 12:14:50 AM

Lack of evidence also disproves as much as it proves something. Just saying. Burden of proof is also on Lantz because he's the one who's claiming something first.

Also, the main problem is I can't see anyone approving of Lantz's stories direction without ripping it to shreds like I've done. Someone always needs to play devils advocate.

EDIT: And this behavior of lantz's here entirely justifies my point. He isn't willing to listen or accept criticism or dissent of any type.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 12, 2013, 12:17:12 AM

Like Names said, let's move on. I'll bring it back to the direction I was trying to get it in earlier:

Quote from: Alice on November 12, 2013, 12:11:58 AM

As for moving the subject to something else, since I'm actually a bit tuckered out, I'll actually take questions on my aforementioned OCs for now in place of an infodump. :) It's a bit more informal than a big infodump from me anyway, plus I get to see if I'm actually making them interesting enough to warrant asking about or not.

...That possibly seems a bit attention-whorey of me, so other people can do the same with their OCs as well. ^_^"

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on November 12, 2013, 12:23:35 AM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on November 12, 2013, 12:14:50 AM

Lack of evidence also disproves as much as it proves something. Just saying. Burden of proof is also on Lantz because he's the one who's claiming something first.

Also, the main problem is I can't see anyone approving of Lantz's stories direction without ripping it to shreds like I've done. Someone always needs to play devils advocate.

EDIT: And this behavior of lantz's here entirely justifies my point. He isn't willing to listen or accept criticism or dissent of any type.

In case it wasn't clear in the earlier post, which I'd understand why, the call to drop this all was a Moderator action. Capital M.

We're done talking about this. No one past this point even brings it up. We were skirting the personal earlier on, and we're not going back there.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Nerroth on November 12, 2013, 09:57:14 PM

This is an in-universe writeup for one of my own OCs, intended to provide a snapshot of this character just prior to the bulk of events I've written him into so far. (The author of the report is another OC, as is another key person named therein.)


-----


A chara,


On the day I write this, the subject of this summary, Seonac O'Conaill, will have reached his eighteenth birthday. While it may seem to be a defining event when living through it, I hope that one day he may look back on this snapshot at some later date, and reflect positively on how far he will have come since then.

Seonac was born in the Rotunda Hospital on the 14th of September 1987, to Niall and Sadhbh O'Conaill. Unbeknownst to his parents, who were not part of a magus lineage, Seonac possessed latent thaumaturgic potential; yet this untapped seam lay almost completely dormant at first. Though I have no direct evidence to verify this, I tend to believe that the first stumbling embers of his potential began to flicker in and out of his subconscious from as young as 14, his first true awakening was to take place upon his sixteenth birthday.

In Seonac's case, by far the most prominent, and thus far defining, aspect of this process saw him manifest a relatively rare phenomenon; telepathy. This gift, or curse depending on one's viewpoint, is relatively little understood compared to more traditional forms of thaumaturgy; at least, in the manner it seems to have emerged in Seonac's mind. Unfortunately, with no forewarning or experience in dealing with such matters in his own family, or among those who first attempted to diagnose his condition in the wake of this traumatic event, Seonac found it difficult to adjust to a cacophany of voices which may or may not have been real.

Eventually, his file first found itself upon my desk, at which point I soon discovered his more-than-mundane nature. I was able to contact another magus-telepath based over in London (the Nova Scotian Michael Mackenzie, who was working alongside Lord El-Melloi II at the time) and together make "first contact" of sorts with Seonac. Fortunately, the young magus decided to take up the mantle of responsibility unwittingly placed upon him, which was, technically speaking, no less than the onset of a brand new sorcerous lineage.

However, while Mr. Mackenzie's mental training was able to help Seonac gain a greater sense of control over the filter he could place around his mind, one substantial mystery soon presented itself. In terms of raw numbers, Seonac's latent sorcerous potential and prana reserves are substantial; indeed, his innate alignments approach Average One levels of diversity. Despite this, his reservoir of prana remains untapped; he has so far been unable to cast even introductory low-level spells, to say nothing of the kind of sorcerous manifestations which magi of his age from a more established family could accomplish with even half of his raw potential. (His mental abilities seem to lie apart from this source, though how this is so remains unclear.) As an interim measure, I have provided him with a limited number of wards and amulets I fashioned using my own Atlas heritage; not least one designed to hide his true potential from would-be predators. Even so, I fear that unless some means of allowing him access to his built-in font of abilities is found, he may risk becoming dangerously exposed at a critical moment.

On a personal level, Seonac's character is defined in part by his living with Asperger Syndrome (which I was able to diagnose personally); though not by as much as he might tend to believe at times. On the one hand, the "folk physics" aspect of his mind is very sharp, when operating under ideal conditions; he is an excellent student of history, can pick up new concepts quickly (at least on a theoretical level) and possesses a knack for lateral thinking at his best. On the other hand, his "folk psychology" aspect can be more problematic; he can be uncomfortable gauging body language (not least eye contact), can be prone to using a hundred words to describe a concept when only twenty will do, and can have trouble dealing with less... rational aspects of human nature. Still, while there will be a shade of this dichotomy with him for the remainder of his life, I am confident that as he matures and develops into the kind of man I believe he can become, he will master the means by which he can make the most of his gifts, learn to tackle the issues he is able to do something about, and to accept those he can't as part of the checks and balances of life itself.



Is mise,

Bláthnaid Ní hAodha, Baile Átha Cliath, 14 Meán Fómhair 2005.


-----

Seonac is an Irish version of Jonathan, in case you were wondering.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on November 13, 2013, 07:11:20 PM

Er, quick question, but does this specifically have to be Nasu-related?

Or is there another OC thread for non-Nasu stuff?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 13, 2013, 09:33:48 PM

This thread is for nasuverse related ocs xam

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on November 13, 2013, 09:35:18 PM

Alright, thanks, Lantz. Just wanted to check that.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 13, 2013, 09:35:31 PM

That probably does make sense, yeah, since it's in the TM section....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 14, 2013, 02:08:57 AM

I have a couple other OC's for the Nasuverse in the works, though I will probably need help in evening a few of them out.

For example one character I call Red is an Immortal Being that cannot age but can be killed, only to regenerate sometime later and the speed of the regeneration is relevant to the amount of damage his body sustains. Red knows a great deal of magecraft and runes but his luck is very low which results in many of his casting to either fail outright or mess up entirely, the only redeeming feature I had in mind for Red was his magical capability. My intention is for Red to possess enough Prana producing circuits to be referred to as the Living Ley Line, Red is meant to be a powerhouse with a less than average amount of control and a reserve of magical power great enough to make almost any servant nearly invincible. Red however is supposed to be simple minded and pure of heart, the type of person who'd help anyone out of the kindness of his heart but have the morals to know right form wrong.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 02:08:23 AM

Neat mord

also I've updated Satoshi

also mike you should post your guys

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 15, 2013, 02:16:50 AM

Yeah, I should. I'm trying to work out what to say about them, and to find the time to do it....

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 03:29:23 AM

Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.

Eh, what do you mean by this? I don't recall Ruby increasing the wielder's power, as such, it just allows them to use powers of their alternate selves.

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Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing.  The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.

Lol, I see. And, how did this familiar get killed?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 05:19:08 AM

It draws energy from other worlds to change the users form. It increases their power from the change. The factor is an estimate based on Rin normally versus with ruby.

hit by a car saving Satoshi, there's more to it but I'll explain in later.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 15, 2013, 05:34:45 AM

>With all the ferocity of the real thing

(http://i.imgur.com/1QDysle.gif)

Well, I can see why he hates animals then considering his stuffed lion would always try to eat him... I don't think it was trying to save him Lantz...

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 05:40:30 AM

No arch, just no

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 15, 2013, 06:12:38 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 05:40:30 AM

No arch, just no

...Dude, it's a joke.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on November 15, 2013, 06:41:48 AM

Okay, could you two please quit acting like babies? Not only is it annoying, but you two should know better than that!

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 06:45:56 AM

I'm not acting anything xam I'm highly medicated.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on November 15, 2013, 06:58:03 AM

Lantz, sorry, but I wouldn't know if you take meds or not.

Also, not what I mean by 'acting', dude. Instead of "pretending", I mean, well....

*preps an example*

Say, for instance, I have a baby nephew that I'm supposed to take care of. Now, when it comes to how babies act, they do it naturally (hence, no need to pretend, period). They don't have a sense of seeing things from an outside perspective, so, back to the example, a baby cries whenever they have needs that supersede our own, at least according to them.

Yes, the crying happens when other babies are doing things that they don't like and want stopped, which is why I was applying the example.

In this exact instance... no, I don't want to be rude, but you two were acting like literal babies!

...anyway, on the thread topic, I'll come up with something that doesn't have to do with Sue territory when I have the chance. Now ain't the time when I can come up with something... I think.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 15, 2013, 07:15:01 AM

I am actually thinking of using Red as my final character in Cross Effects but orient him towards being some sort of comic relief at times (a healing or a prana recharge spell goes wrong a Rule 63's some poor soul for a day or gives them animalistic features they didn't have before) and a support type Mage
 For the guys. Overpowering a spell can cause shit to happen and if your luck is low enough, shit gets really weird.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 15, 2013, 07:18:17 AM

Magos was just joking (albeit a bit aggressively), but let's cut this short, right here. And lantz, just because you're highly medicated doesn't mean you should abandon all judgement completely. If you don't think you're fit to post, then don't.

Just ignore lantz, Magos. His stuff is only going to keep getting you more and more frustrated until you finally explode in a Hulk-like ball of rage, and I think another argument between you guys is a bad idea and accomplishes nothing, so let's try to keep it calm in here. Back away from him a bit.

And lantz, I'm going to be honest here (note: words from here on in are my own opinion and have nothing to do with admin doctrine. And then there were disclaimers, and it was good). I'm going to try to take a different approach this time. Toshi has way too much... stuff. The reason he seems illogical and overpowered to a good number of people is because he has too many unique and special items at his disposal that distinguish him as very unique from all others. To the point where he's way too unique.

Even Superman only has a moderate set of powers, and he doesn't have a bunch of other things that make him special. He grew up in rural Kansas, which I can tell you from living in Tornado Alley that it's about as thrilling and special as it sounds. ...Even calling this strip of the Midwest "Tornado Alley" makes things sound much more thrilling than they really are around here. The point is though, he has at least some counterbalances to level out the specialness. Toshi is so special and wonderful with so many special gifts and unique things that he doesn't seem relateable anymore. Even Superman often tends to tip over into unreleatability, but he is still relateable because, even as a powerful alien superbeing, he's still the Big Blue Boyscout and former Farm Boy. He can be easily killed if he's around Kryptonite. That's a danger of writing a powerful character in general, it's too easy to tip the balance into being unrealistic, and Toshi tips it so hard that it almost breaks the scale.

Speaking of Kryptonite, people have asked you repeatedly what Toshi's weaknesses are, and yet you've never told us. Can you please tell us?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 07:29:10 AM

Erm Alice Arch and I weren't arguing. I missed the joke he corrected it and that was that. You and xam are the ones keeping it alive.

as for his stuff. What exactly are you referring to because largely I think you're missing the webbing of development those devices give the other characters  and further a large number of references in and of themselves. Further two things. One Perseus had a ton of stuff without it being weird and secondly to quote Touko Aozaki "a reality. Marble is for those with low combat ability"

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 15, 2013, 07:45:11 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 07:29:10 AM

Erm Alice Arch and I weren't arguing. I missed the joke he corrected it and that was that. You and xam are the ones keeping it alive.

as for his stuff. What exactly are you referring to because largely I think you're missing the webbing of development those devices give the other characters  and further a large number of references in and of themselves. Further two things. One Perseus had a ton of stuff without it being weird and secondly to quote Touko Aozaki "a reality. Marble is for those with low combat ability"

...That isn't an answer lantz. What are Toshi's weaknesses. It's a simple question.

Oh, and Perseus was a hero from the Age of Gods.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 15, 2013, 07:47:16 AM

In terms of the mod business- sorry, given the recent tensions, I misread the situation. Apologies to you both.

And as for the non-admin business... I hate to sound rude, but other than Perseus bit, I'm not understanding what you're saying. Also, if you could answer my question about his weaknesses, I'd appreciate it.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 07:51:54 AM

Answer this question first Alice. How well does a brick wall fight?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on November 15, 2013, 08:07:44 AM

You're saying he's a tank then and/or can't fight back. But that doesn't really answer my question. Plus I'd prefer a straight answer in general.

Plus I know for a fact that he's fought before, so if it's the latter response to my first sentence, that doesn't make sense, and to the former, that isn't really a weakness onto itself.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 15, 2013, 11:30:15 AM

I have no issues as long as someone puts effort, time and a decent amount of creativity and/or imagination I to their characters. As such I have no issue with neither Lantz or Magos' characters, though if they had to collaborate together for a FanFiction or something, I'm sure they'd be able to function better with each other or it could become even worse.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 15, 2013, 12:40:18 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 05:19:08 AM

It draws energy from other worlds to change the users form. It increases their power from the change. The factor is an estimate based on Rin normally versus with ruby.

I don't think it is quite that simple. It doesn't "increase their power", it simply gives them access to a wider range of abilities.

Quote

hit by a car saving Satoshi, there's more to it but I'll explain in later.

Ah, OK.

Quote from: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 07:29:10 AM

Erm Alice Arch and I weren't arguing. I missed the joke he corrected it and that was that. You and xam are the ones keeping it alive.

as for his stuff. What exactly are you referring to because largely I think you're missing the webbing of development those devices give the other characters  and further a large number of references in and of themselves. Further two things. One Perseus had a ton of stuff without it being weird and secondly to quote Touko Aozaki "a reality. Marble is for those with low combat ability"

Honestly, it is rather weird even with Perseus, it just works because it's mostly an indication of how much the Gods favoured him. If you look at how people like Rider talk about him it's pretty clear they see him as a real-life Marty Stu.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on November 15, 2013, 02:06:05 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on November 15, 2013, 12:40:18 PM

Honestly, it is rather weird even with Perseus, it just works because it's mostly an indication of how much the Gods favoured him. If you look at how people like Rider talk about him it's pretty clear they see him as a real-life Marty Stu.

Rider is so biased, man. But she's sort of right, they did see him negatively.

The thing with Perseus is that he was made fun of for it. His entire adventure he's never really been gizmo-less, and the stuff he had was handed to him by the gods on a silver platter. The City of Athens in particular disliked him for it, and preferred their own hero Theseus despite the fact he was a fool and abandoned his city, because he was a self-made man.

Perseus instead of being a marty sue was a child who was constantly coddled by his parents. They did most of the work, made all of the plans, Perseus just did was he was told. And then on the way home he had a couple moments where he used the head on his own for instawin, but that's it. He didn't really do anything unaided, and that makes him a rather weak hero.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 15, 2013, 05:32:43 PM

Thank you names for encapsulating the point. As a hero, at least until he abandons the gifts given to him and earns his own way Satoshi is a weak hero, especially in the case of combat.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 20, 2013, 07:17:18 PM

Quote from: Mordalfus Grea on November 14, 2013, 02:08:57 AM

I have a couple other OC's for the Nasuverse in the works, though I will probably need help in evening a few of them out.

For example one character I call Red is an Immortal Being that cannot age but can be killed, only to regenerate sometime later and the speed of the regeneration is relevant to the amount of damage his body sustains. Red knows a great deal of magecraft and runes but his luck is very low which results in many of his casting to either fail outright or mess up entirely, the only redeeming feature I had in mind for Red was his magical capability. My intention is for Red to possess enough Prana producing circuits to be referred to as the Living Ley Line, Red is meant to be a powerhouse with a less than average amount of control and a reserve of magical power great enough to make almost any servant nearly invincible. Red however is supposed to be simple minded and pure of heart, the type of person who'd help anyone out of the kindness of his heart but have the morals to know right form wrong.

Hmm, I missed this before....

He sounds potentially interesting, but also possibly a bit powerful. It depends somewhat on the context he is used in, though.

Quote from: Nerroth on November 12, 2013, 09:57:14 PM

This is an in-universe writeup for one of my own OCs, intended to provide a snapshot of this character just prior to the bulk of events I've written him into so far. (The author of the report is another OC, as is another key person named therein.)

Seonac's character is an interesting set-up, although I do think it was a little convenient that he just happens to have exactly the right powers to be able to help Sakura. Not that I'm really complaining about that, mind, it is necessary to have some way of resolving her situation.

It's interesting to see someone from a new magus lineage show up at the clock tower, especially someone without much in the way of the social or political skills which I would imagine you need there. I do actually have an OC who fits a similar role for one of my stories (meets up with Saber and Rin in the Clock Tower, then ends up falling for and saving Sakura), who I'll have to post more details on at some point.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Nerroth on November 20, 2013, 10:34:46 PM

If it were possible, I'd ask that any story-related points be put into spoiler tags, in case anyone is minded to read my (or anyone else's) fics without being given away beforehand. Not that I'm expecting anyone to do so on my account...

I mean, stuff that happens in the course of the stories, and isn't already covered in the writeup posted in this thread already.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 20, 2013, 11:24:56 PM

Oh, OK, sure, I've edited it.

Honestly, I assumed that the stuff I said would be pretty obvious, but I'm happy to spoiler-tag it.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Nerroth on November 21, 2013, 01:52:54 AM

Thank you.


Also, this is a different OC; one I originally created for a role-play forum, but re-tooled for use in my crossover fic:


-----

H'trorren (Earth name: Étienne Seonac de Champlain)
 
 Faction: Autobot
 Sub-Faction: Pretender
 Rank: Field Agent
 Motto: “On on n’oublions jamais.”
 
 Details: Possesses a human-form Pretender shell (as seen in Masterforce). Like other such Pretenders, he is capable of forming a 'battle mode' around his human shell in combat, and can revert to his original Cybertronic form, and back, at will.
 
 Cybertronian alt mode (http://www.seibertron.com/images/toys/files/38/jetfire031.jpg) is an aerospace fighter craft. (This looks like Titanium Jetfire, only with green instead of red - biomech form (http://www.seibertron.com/images/toys/files/38/jetfire031.jpg) has a retractable faceplate, shown extended on the figure, which when retracted shows a more human-like face with a nose, mouth, a pair of 'eye' optics, and whatnot. Oh, and without the landing-gear 'wardrobe malfuction' of the actual figure...)
 
 Wrist-mounted modules may be detached and combined with backpack to form a smaller jet craft (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/Nerroth/KibbleJet.jpg) - which may be piloted remotely, flown manually by another person, or by Étienne himself in Pretender form (should he choose not to re-integrate the modules before demolecularisation).
 
 While the remaining chassis could, technically, assume an alt mode by itself (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v108/Nerroth/KibbleJetVroom.jpg)... Étienne tries not to use that option overly much.
 
 Is armed with an energo-sword and assault rifle in biomech form, and a smaller version of each in his armed Pretender form.
 
 Strength: 07
 Intelligence: 09
 Speed: 09
 Endurance: 07
 Rank: 07
 Courage: 08
 Firepower: 08
 Skill: 09
 
 Bio:
 
 If anyone asked him now about who and what he was, Étienne Seonac de Champlain would give his Earth name (even in biomech form) and describe himself as an Autobot Pretender – a Cybertronian disguised at a sub-molecular level in the body of a human-form Pretender shell – and a field agent assigned to Japan in general, and most recently to the troubled city of Fuyuki-shi.
 
 But it was not always so.
 
 Étienne was ‘born’ as the wholly bio-mechanical H’trorren 1200 years ago in New Iacon, one of the more recent generations to emerge in the new era to emerge in the wake of the Great Shutdown.
 
 Raised in a Cybertron which was, at the time, united under the rule of Shockwave and the Council, his formative years were peaceful ones – yet the (apparent) lack of interest in exploration, or in trying to track down those groups which were known to have taken the Great War with them into the wider galaxy, chafed at the inquisitive H’trorren.
 
 Fortunately for him, he was contacted secretly by representatives of the legendary Countdown – who had made a covert return to Cybertron, unwilling to risk revealing himself openly to Shockwave’s ‘unified’ government – and invited to join the crew of his interstellar operations craft.
 
 Leaving Cybertron behind, he served what was, in effect, his first turn of duty under Countdown’s command – exploring hitherto-unknown sectors of space, making layovers at friendly and allied worlds such as Paradron and (more recently) Nebulos, and engaging the forces of the cunning Skystalker in defence of indigenous species unable to fend the would-be Decepticon tyrant alone.
 
 However, his place among Countdown’s crew would come to an end during the tempestuous events of 2005. Responding to the emergency signal broadcast when Unicron attacked, Countdown’s vessel emerged from transwarp into the Alpha Centauri A system – where they were too late to take part in the engagement. By the time they approached Cybertron itself, the battle was over, but the terrible cost extracted was all too evident. After spending several weeks helping to recover Autobots and Decepticons left drifting in orbit, H’trorren approached Countdown with a transfer request – to go to the one world in this region of the galaxy where he felt he was needed most of all…
 
 …Earth.
 
 Countdown contacted Metalhawk – who not long before had made formal contact with the Autobots who had been active on Earth since 1984, taking his team of Pretenders back to the fold – and arranged for H’trorren to be transferred, as one of a new batch of volunteers who were to be added to Metalhawk’s team in Japan.
 
 However, when the transfer took place, an unforeseen error in his navigation system caused him to crash-land in the Burren, Co. Clare, Ireland – where his tragic first encounter with humanity took place.
 
 Now, he lives on Earth in the guise of a French-Canadian expatriate in Japan, the inheritor of the genetic profile of an Irish youth whose life he could not save, but whose memory he swore to honour. To that end, he tries each day to live up to his lost friend’s dying request:
 
 “If I can’t live in this brave new world of yours… live it for the both of us.”
 
 Only time will tell if he is successful.

-----

As with Seonac*, this character's profile was written "in-universe" prior to the point at which he is introduced to his respective story.

*Or rather, the Seonac posted earlier in the thread, from a non-crossover-ey timeline. As Étienne's adopted middle name suggests, the Seonac in this universal stream is now dead; but, through Étienne's Pretender shell, his DNA lived on.

Things got a little more complicated through the events portrayed in Fate/Trans Form, however.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 28, 2013, 06:09:39 PM

Satoshi has no combat weakness directly most of his issues are moral, psychological or,emotional. There are a number of ways to get past his numerous powers but you have to be a guy like Batman or Archer to have the foresight and resources to to so. A bit late but that's my kryptonite answer.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Mordalfus Grea on November 29, 2013, 01:35:24 AM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on November 20, 2013, 07:17:18 PM

Quote from: Mordalfus Grea on November 14, 2013, 02:08:57 AM

I have a couple other OC's for the Nasuverse in the works, though I will probably need help in evening a few of them out.

For example one character I call Red is an Immortal Being that cannot age but can be killed, only to regenerate sometime later and the speed of the regeneration is relevant to the amount of damage his body sustains. Red knows a great deal of magecraft and runes but his luck is very low which results in many of his casting to either fail outright or mess up entirely, the only redeeming feature I had in mind for Red was his magical capability. My intention is for Red to possess enough Prana producing circuits to be referred to as the Living Ley Line, Red is meant to be a powerhouse with a less than average amount of control and a reserve of magical power great enough to make almost any servant nearly invincible. Red however is supposed to be simple minded and pure of heart, the type of person who'd help anyone out of the kindness of his heart but have the morals to know right form wrong.

Hmm, I missed this before....

He sounds potentially interesting, but also possibly a bit powerful. It depends somewhat on the context he is used in, though.

Red is meant to be a good guy, the type of guy who'd seek out the holy grail with the intention of becoming mortal so he could die for good. Red is the type of guy who would be friends with Shirou easily but he no skill in the kitchen (Taiga, Saber & Kiritsugu are several times better than him) and he has a slight curse that causes death to find him easily, what flaws he does have he makes up for with skill, kindness, and hard work. I won't say what era he hails from but he is from the age of gods and his abilities reflect this.

My intent is for Red to join the guys in Nexus City, where he is meant to be my answer to Milbunk's Downy Reed.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on November 29, 2013, 01:54:12 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 28, 2013, 06:09:39 PM

Satoshi has no combat weakness directly most of his issues are moral, psychological or,emotional. There are a number of ways to get past his numerous powers but you have to be a guy like Batman or Archer to have the foresight and resources to to so. A bit late but that's my kryptonite answer.

So unless you have an arsenal and resources like Batman, you don't have a chance? What the hell Lantz, that is not a weakness at all.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on November 29, 2013, 02:20:17 AM

Heroic characters are good, we need a few more good characters around to balance the neutral ones.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 29, 2013, 03:02:08 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on November 29, 2013, 02:20:17 AM

Heroic characters are good, we need a few more good characters around to balance the neutral ones.

Really? I'd say we have plenty of heroic characters at the moment, especially since Rider is heroic by association (and I have Sakura and Shirou coming some time soon).

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 30, 2013, 01:46:05 AM

OK, here is a description of my OCs from my post-HF universe. I'm going to start outlining the basic setting, then I'll give a description of Sakura's four children, and also Kariya's girlfriend/wife. Finally, I'm going to put what I have so far of Aoi's character sheet in another post, which I could do with some help fleshing-out (in particular, her personality I am somewhat unsure about, and some ideas would be good).

Setting

These characters all come from a post-HF True universe. Sakura and Shirou are happily-married and have four children. They still live in the Emiya house with their youngest child, Kiyoshi and Rider. Their two eldest childen, Aoi and Kariya, have both married and moved out, with Aoi now living with her husband in a nearby house purchased for her by Sakura, and Kariya living wherever he works (which will vary depending on when this is set) along with his girlfriend/fiancee/wife Sam.

Sakura works at an orphanage which she also provides much of the funding for, and is also the patron of several children's charities, especially ones related to helping abused children. Whilst her nature as a magus prevents her fostering orphans as she would like to, she does care deeply for them, and does sometimes invite them over to her house to meet her family and eat a delicious home-cooked meal. She also does cook for them at the orphanage (although less often than she would like, due to her own family commitments), bringing Kiyoshi over to meet the orphans. She sees them as almost part of her family, and is known to be rather generous towards them, both whilst at the orphanage and afterwards.

Due to the properties and other wealth which Zouken amassed whilst alive, and which passed to Sakura as his only remaining "descendant" on his death, plus her own intelligent investment of those resources, Sakura is wealthy and has no need to work, and nor do her children if they do not desire to do so. Despite this, Shirou in particular encourages them to go off and make their own way in life, rather than sponging off their mother's generousity. Of course, he has no objection to providing anything they need, regardless of expense.

Since Sakura has no inherited magic crest of her own, she has created  a basic one to pass onto each of her children. This allows them to use her magic without learning it, much like Rin can with the Tohsaka magic. However, rather than Sakura's altered affinity to binding magic, they have inherited her natural affinity to the Tohsaka magecraft, transfer of energy, and thus are capable of being jewel mages like their aunt.

All of the children are relatively disrespectful towards their parents (especially Sakura), but in an affectionate and loving way. She is generally very soft on them and spoils them to a large extent, due to how horrible her own upbringing was. However, she's not incapable of telling them off or ordering them around, although she will only do so when they are in real danger or when they are being completely unreasonable. There are a few things that will set her off, though, in particular misuse of their magic (due to her past experiences as Dark Sakura), and also them putting theirselves in unnecessary danger or treating others (especially those who at first glance appear to be "dangerous" or unusual) badly without just cause.

Characters

Emiya Aoi:

 Eldest child of Shirou and Sakura, Aoi was born with exceptional magical talent, almost on the level of her mother and Aunt. As a result, Rin encouraged her to take the path of a magus. She considered the possibility of handing over the Tohsaka magic crest to Aoi, but at the time Rin was still doing her own research in London, and didn't really have the time or inclination to take on an heir, particularly since Sakura was unwilling to let Rin take her daughter away to London, at least until she was old enough to make the decision for herself.

However, whilst Rin encouraged her to follow the path of a magus to some extent, her parents encouraged her to consider other pursuits as well, and to live as normal a life as  possible, although they didn't discourage her from learning magic. As a result, whilst she has decided to actively pursue being a magus, she hasn’t lost touch of her human side. She also remained at home, since her pedigree as a magus wasn’t good enough to get a place at the Association, plus she didn’t really want to leave her mother.

Has developed several spells that combine her shadow affinity with her jewel magic and, influenced by her brother Kariya and his girlfriend, named them "Supernova" and "Black hole". Probably had an accident at some point when practicing her black hole spell, very nearly swallowing up her entire family, until Sakura stopped it, nearly dying in the process. After that Sakura ensured she was a lot more careful with her experimentation, and also made her build in some safeguards to the spell to ensure she wouldn’t be able to cause serious damage with it.

Sometimes acts as the Second Owner of Fuyuki if Rin and Sakura are both absent, and also assists them in performing their duties when necessary.

Lives with her husband in a house close to the Emiya house, purchased for her by her mother. Shares Sakura's affinity for the shadow magic, and thus is more capable of manipulating her shadow dimension than any of her siblings are. The strongest magus of the Emiya children, and the only one capable of putting things into the shadow dimension safely and without corrupting them (particularly people).

Emiya Kariya:

Second child of Shirou and Sakura. Born with fewer magic circuits than most of his siblings, and with little ability to manipulate the shadow (can, however, act as an exit point for people inside the shadow dimension, with his mother's help). Never really took to the magic training, and instead of becoming a magus, went to university.

Married (or at least engaged) to Sam, after meeting her through an orphaned friend who Sakura had funded to study physics at the university. Where he lives depends on the timeline, as does his marital status.

Tohsaka Yuki:

She is the third eldest child of Shirou and Sakura.  Implanted with Rin's magic crest at an early age (or, at very least, began preparations to do so), after Rin had asked Sakura if she could adopt one of her children as an heir. Even though Sakura trusts Rin, she had considered the situation to be too much like her own, and could not bring herself to abandon her child, even to what would surely be a very loving mother. However, as a peace offering, she had agreed to allow Rin to train the child as if it were her own. Formally adopted by Rin at the age of ~12, after asking to live with her to aid her training  Extremely powerful magus, possessing both the Tohsaka magic crest, and also the simple one that Sakura had produced for all her children.

Emiya Kiyoshi:

Fourth child of Sakura and Shirou, and the only one Sakura still actively looks after. Due to his young age relative to the others, Sakura adores him and is highly protective of him (even more so than of her other children), doubly-so since he looks rather like a younger version of his father, although he does have his mother's natural green eyes. In addition, Sakura tends to spoil him somewhat (as she does all of her children), although she gets rather upset at him if he takes his life for granted.

Like his brother Kariya, he is only an average magus. However, unlike Kariya he was determined from a young age to make the most of the limited talents that he had, and use them to fight evil. Initially, he seemed entirely hopeless, but he found that he was capable of manipulating the ether clumps he created with his failed efforts into useful items, and his Aunt later confirmed his elemental affinity. He also found himself to be good at reinforcement magic, and thus uses this regularly.

A reasonably powerful magus, and one who seems to be picking up on his father's former ideal and self-sacrificial nature to some extent. Sakura finds his fixation on Shirou's ideal somewhat cute and endearing, although she does worry that he will come to harm as a result. Is learning to fight using shadow swords created from Ether with some shadow magic imbued into them, but is as-of-yet not anything like powerful enough to take on his father or mother in a battle. However, anyone who goes up against him should be wary that, if they hurt him in any way, Sakura will be extremely upset and angry.

Nice and caring, but sometimes unintentially selfish. Doesn't realise when his actions are harming people due to being somewhat sheltered. Additionally, due to the sheltered nature of his upbringing, he is somewhat reliant on his parents (Sakura in particular) taking care of him, and does not feel comfortable being away from them in unusual situations. When fighting, he is somewhat hot-headed, often treating conflict as the first option rather than a last resort. He also genuinely enjoys beating up bad guys, although he does prefer not to kill when possible. Also very poor at doing things he doesn't enjoy or want to do, particularly household chores (due to his parents tending to do them). However, he does enjoy cooking, as a result of seeing his parents' enjoyment of it and having had lessons which they also made enjoyable.

He enjoy sword-fighting with his father and Rider, using low-power versions of his shadow swords which will not cause any real damage to Shirou if they hit (Shirou fights using swords which will shatter on hitting Kiyoshi's body). Also enjoys play-fighting with Rider (although she does not fight anything like seriously) and trains in magic with his mother, as well as his big sister Aoi and Aunt Rin on occasion. However, he has no time for the principles behind magic (much to the annoyance of his aunt), instead only caring about the aspects which he can use to increase his own fighting prowess.

Tends not to listen to Sakura much, because she is extremely soft on him. However, he does still love her and trust her to protect him even though he tends not to obey her, and he is old and smart enough to know when he really should listen to her, for his own safety. Particularly since she can actually be very scary and authoritative when she is genuinely concerned for his well-being as opposed to just trying to get him to do something.

His Aunt and sister Aoi are trying to teach him to use magecraft more effectively, in particular with regards to use of the family jewel magecraft, but he shows little interest in their lessons. He also lacks the ability to do conventional magecraft well, although he is capable of the basics.

Samantha Emiya (Sam):

Very smart quantum physicist who moved to Japan to take up a postdoc place, and then met and (eventually) married Kariya, through a mutual friend that Sakura had funded through university after his parents "mysteriously" disappeared without a trace when he was very young. An expert in Many-Worlds theory of QM and, until her experiments went wrong, was close to finding a method of replicating the Second Magic using science.

Has discussed the Second Magic with Rin, and was amazed at her ability to do things which she spends her entire life studying so casually. Also explains to Rin how Many-Worlds works, and how alternate dimensions work.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 30, 2013, 01:47:03 AM

Name: Emiya Aoi
Race: Human (Magus)
Age: 25
Height: 5' 4''
Weight: - look up
Eyes: Green
Hair: Auburn
Appearance: Similar to her Aunt Rin, but with bigger breasts (similar to her mother, Sakura) and a slightly larger ass. Very attractive.
Need to work out how she dresses, hair style etc.

Alignment: Chaotic Good
Charisma:
Strength:
Agility:
Speed:
Endurance:
Intelligence: B
Magic Resistance:
Magic Ability: A

Affinity: Imaginary numbers and wind.

Magical attribute: Possesses the Tohsaka family trait "transfer of energy".

Magic crest: Small crest given to her by Sakura, containing all the spells she has learnt to perform, including her shadow magic.

Spells:

Jewel magic: Due to her Tohsaka family heritage, possesses the ability to use jewel magic, as well as possessing several jewels of her own creation. Specialises in using the jewels for shadow magic due to her elemental affinity, and tends to use (jade?) jewels as a result – possibly ask Elf here.

Shadow magic:Like her mother, can produce shadow tentacles, shadow giants and absorb people into her shadow dimension. Somewhat less powerful, however, since she lacks her mother's connection to Angra Mainyu. Unlike Sakura‘s other children, she has also learned to store things in the shadow dimension without absorbing or damaging them.

Black hole: Using a combination of her shadow and wind magic, she is able to produce a shadow tendril or similar which sucks in prana and potentially items or people from its vicinity. Initially, it starts off weak due to a lack of prana, but the prana it sucks in allows it to grow very powerful indeed if she desires it to. It will of course usually suck in her allies as well as her enemies, but this is not too much of a big deal since she can let them out again. However, it will also suck prana out of them potentially, which could leave them vulnerable and, in the case of Rider, outright kill her due to her nature as a familiar relying on prana to remain in the world.

Above a certain size, it is self-sustaining, however this can be very dangerous because it is possible for it to grow in size and swallow up everything in the vicinity. However, Aoi does have the ability to control it to a large extent, so this won’t happen as long as she is careful. Produces a void in the mana supply in the surrounding area which causes mana to flow in the direction of the hole – need to consider how it works.
 
It is also possible for a sufficiently powerful person (including Sakura, due to her familiarity with the shadow magic) to escape of their own accord. This would however likely cause harm to Aoi, so Sakura doesn’t do it.

Supernova: Essentially this is the Black Hole spell applied to and stored in a jewel. On command, the jewel explodes, creating a miniture shadow "hole" which sucks in prana from the surrounding area, as well as potentially people (and especially spiritual entities). Due to the prana inside the gem, the hole starts out much more powerful than the usual one she uses. However, due to it being non-interactive, the spell is less efficient, and therefore won’t grow as fast. Aoi has deliberately calibrated the jewels so that the spell will never get to the point where it is self-sustaining. However, she does have variable power jewels (which will expand to a different amount of area), and she is also able to design the spells such that they grow in different ways to achieve the result she desires.
 
The vortex can theoretically be escaped, but it is difficult since, unlike the standard shadow dimension, it has no conscious owner with the capability of expelling people. It can also be set up to automatically convert anything inside it into prana, or it can hold them prisoner until the dimension collapses – can escape or remain trapped inside and killed?. If Aoi manages to merge with it and connect to it, she can extract people (?).

 Need to consider safeguards, because this is potentially an exceptionally dangerous spell, due to being self-sustaining. Need some way to ensure it doesn’t grow indefinitely. Possibly related to the way it sucks mana from the air, but hard to avoid positive feedback.

Possibly give her at least some element of control over the wind element of it, to prevent it growing too much. She still has to be very careful, though.
 
Can possibly also do something similar with her own body or her own shadows, sucking prana into her shadow from the surrounding area. Probably less effective initially (due to lack of prana), but more controllable. Also can potentially be dangerous to her if she swallows too much prana or something too powerful.
 
Can use her magic to merge her own Black Hole with one created using Supernova, or at least connect with it, allowing her to moderate a Black Hole that is dangerously out of control. However, this is potentially dangerous to her due to the amount of prana she could be taking in, particularly if the Black Hole gets too large. In that case she may be forced to sacrifice her own life in order to prevent the Black Hole swallowing up everything.
 
Understandably, Sakura does not like her doing this. Further, Sakura is also capable of doing it, and thus tends to insist on taking the responsibility even if it endangers her. Aoi, obviously, does not want her mother to get hurt, and thus is very careful.
 
She developed these abilities on her own, with no encouragement from her mother (indeed, Sakura tried to discourage her from doing anything potentially dangerous). However, ultimately Sakura realised it was better to teach her to do it safely rather than leave her to perform dangerous experiments.
 
Possibly need to give her the ability to collapse the vortex somehow.

 Need other magic ideally, although she’s relatively young so she won’t be extremely varied in what she does.

Other Abilities:

Background: Eldest child of Shirou and Sakura, Aoi was born with exceptional magical talent, almost on the level of her mother and Aunt. As a result, Rin encouraged her to take the path of a magus. She considered the possibility of handing over the Tohsaka magic crest to Aoi, but at the time Rin was still doing her own research in London, and didn't really have the time or inclination to take on an heir, particularly since Sakura was unwilling to let Rin take her daughter away to London, at least until she was old enough to make the decision for herself.

However, whilst Rin encouraged her to follow the path of a magus to some extent, her parents encouraged her to consider other pursuits as well, and to live as normal a life as  possible, although they didn't discourage her from learning magic. As a result, whilst she has decided to actively pursue being a magus, she hasn’t lost touch of her human side. She also remained at home, since her pedigree as a magus wasn’t good enough to get a place at the Association, plus she didn’t really want to leave her mother.

Probably had an accident at some point when practicing her black hole spell, very nearly swallowing up her entire family, until Sakura stopped it, nearly dying in the process. After that Sakura ensured she was a lot more careful with her experimentation, and also made her build in some safeguards to the spell to ensure she wouldn’t be able to cause serious damage with it.

Sometimes acts as the Second Owner of Fuyuki if Rin and Sakura are both absent, and also assists them in performing their duties when necessary.
 
Engaged to (insert name here), and they live together in the old Emiya house, given to them by Sakura and Shirou as an early wedding present – need to change this. Perhaps not actually the eldest, but the second eldest. Shares Sakura's affinity for the shadow magic, and thus is more capable of manipulating her shadow dimension than any of her siblings are. The strongest magus of the Emiya children. The only one capable of putting things into the shadow dimension safely (particularly people). Also, probably capable of creating her own shadow dimension should she wish to (separate from her mother's). Note – given how the shadow magic might work (Sakura creates lots of separate dimensions), I'm not sure that a shared shadow dimension is reasonable. I need to understand this.
 
Personality:Very fond of and looks up to her mother, although she also respects her Aunt Rin’s nature as a magus.

Weakness:
Likes:
Dislikes:
 

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Elf on November 30, 2013, 04:53:45 AM

Aoi seems pretty interesting.  You do need to work on her personality a bit though.

As for the gem?  Jade would be a very poor choice for shadow magic.  Jade's generally a healing and good luck stone.  I'd recommend something like Labradorite, Black Spinel, or Smokey Quartz.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on November 30, 2013, 04:54:57 AM

Quote from: Elf on November 30, 2013, 04:53:45 AM

Aoi seems pretty interesting.  You do need to work on her personality a bit though.

Yeah, definitely. I'm really quite stuck on that, though, so I would appreciate any ideas people might have.

Quote

As for the gem?  Jade would be a very poor choice for shadow magic.  Jade's generally a healing and good luck stone.  I'd recommend something like Labradorite, Black Spinel, or Smokey Quartz.

Ah, OK, thanks. I really don't know much about gemstones....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 06:54:58 AM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on November 30, 2013, 04:54:57 AM

Quote from: Elf on November 30, 2013, 04:53:45 AM

Aoi seems pretty interesting.  You do need to work on her personality a bit though.

Yeah, definitely. I'm really quite stuck on that, though, so I would appreciate any ideas people might have.

Quote

As for the gem?  Jade would be a very poor choice for shadow magic.  Jade's generally a healing and good luck stone.  I'd recommend something like Labradorite, Black Spinel, or Smokey Quartz.

Ah, OK, thanks. I really don't know much about gemstones....

You don't seem to have anything on who Aoi's husband is; that seems to be something that you should rectify.

For that matter, would you mind my using some of your characters in some of my fanfiction Mike? Probably going to post it here, give the family a role and a reworking of the Nameless Enforcer.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 09:29:13 AM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 06:54:58 AM

You don't seem to have anything on who Aoi's husband is; that seems to be something that you should rectify.

Well, he's not really meant to be anyone important, just some random guy she met and fell in love with. She might be more magus-like than her mother is, but she doesn't let it get in the way of her happiness to that extent.

Quote

For that matter, would you mind my using some of your characters in some of my fanfiction Mike? Probably going to post it here, give the family a role and a reworking of the Nameless Enforcer.

Hmm, what fanfiction is this?

And, no, I don't mind as long as it's posted on DSM (preferably first, so it can attract people over here), you acknowledge who wrote them and where to find me and they're not treated really badly or horribly mischaracterised. I have no problem with my characters being used by someone else, but I have no desire whatsoever to see them used to help out BL, after the way they've treated (and continue to treat) me. I also expect that anyone who has questions about my characters should be directed here to get them answered....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 02:23:26 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 09:29:13 AM

Well, he's not really meant to be anyone important, just some random guy she met and fell in love with. She might be more magus-like than her mother is, but she doesn't let it get in the way of her happiness to that extent.

Hmm, what fanfiction is this?

And, no, I don't mind as long as it's posted on DSM (preferably first, so it can attract people over here), you acknowledge who wrote them and where to find me and they're not treated really badly or horribly mischaracterised. I have no problem with my characters being used by someone else, but I have no desire whatsoever to see them used to help out BL, after the way they've treated (and continue to treat) me. I also expect that anyone who has questions about my characters should be directed here to get them answered...

I still say he needs to be fleshed out at least a little. The girl is married to him for gods sakes.

Something I'm planning on writing involving the Namless Enforcer, will probably never pan out, and trust me if I'm the one writing them no guarantee on the mischaracterization.  Suck at pulling that off effectively. Also, drop your BL hate bullshit, its been pretty much a year and considering the way you acted over there, the ban was justified. Maybe not the length, but the ban was. And remember, I'm writing the characters. I might need to for the sake of the story shift some details around or make up things on the fly. I'll try to keep them as original material free as possible.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 04:56:50 PM

Look, you can think whatever you damn well like about my ban, I do not want my characters used to help in any way a forum which does not let me access it. It is as simple as that.

As far as I am concerned the way they (Altima in particular) treated me and continue to treat me (some of the crap talked about me is horrendous) and the fact that they do not let me respond to any of that crap means I do not want any involvement with them whatsoever, directly or indirectly. Further, I am running my own forum that needs posts and fics to have a chance of surviving, and every fic that is posted primarily on BL makes this forum less and less viable. Additionally, after the way I've been treated (and the fact that most people, even ones who were my friends, cannot be bothered to come over to this forum or put relatively little effort into it if they do) I am somewhat unhappy with the fandom in general, so I am not overly inclined to do stuff for them for the sake of it.

As for the husband, yeah, he does need fleshing-out ultimately, but it's less urgent than getting her right is.

And, I can understand the characterisation stuff, I don't mind you getting some stuff wrong, or even changing things round a bit to make them fit. I just don't want you completely fucking with them to fit some agenda (particularly one that I would dislike).

Also, stop giving ill-informed opinions on my ban. You do not have a clue what really happened, because Altima and friends carefully cover it up and hide behind their bullshit.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 05:03:14 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 04:56:50 PM

Look, you can think whatever you damn well like about my ban, I do not want my characters used to help in any way a forum which does not let me access it. It is as simple as that.

As far as I am concerned the way they (Altima in particular) treated me and continue to treat me (some of the crap talked about me is horrendous) and the fact that they do not let me respond to any of that crap means I do not want any involvement with them whatsoever, directly or indirectly. Further, I am running my own forum that needs posts and fics to have a chance of surviving, and every fic that is posted primarily on BL makes this forum less and less viable. Additionally, after the way I've been treated (and the fact that most people, even ones who were my friends, cannot be bothered to come over to this forum or put relatively little effort into it if they do) I am somewhat unhappy with the fandom in general, so I am not overly inclined to do stuff for them for the sake of it.

As for the husband, yeah, he does need fleshing-out ultimately, but it's less urgent than getting her right is.

And, I can understand the characterisation stuff, I don't mind you getting some stuff wrong, or even changing things round a bit to make them fit. I just don't want you completely fucking with them to fit some agenda (particularly one that I would dislike).

Also, stop giving ill-informed opinions on my ban. You do not have a clue what really happened, because Altima and friends carefully cover it up and hide behind their bullshit.

Ahahahahah, Mike, chill man. Cool your jets. Let's not get into this.

I get your not wanting a complete fucking of them (And trust me I won't be doing this) and if anyone, I'm grabbing Karyia, his Wife, and Shirou out of this. No need to worry that much man, I'll keep it somewhat simple.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:08:04 PM

Well, the whole issue with BL is still rather raw for me, particularly since they have never made any attempt to talk about it reasonably or rationally with me. Altima in particular I am still really upset with, since he was my friend and then suddenly shat all over me after lying through his hind teeth to me over MSN the very night before (and consistently lying to and bullshitting me for most of the previous month, causing me to act in the way that got me banned in the first place).

As for the characters you're taking, that's OK, although it's odd that you'd pick the character with basically no magical ability. Is there a reason for that?

Also, taking Shirou away from Sakura causes him problems due to his body, so you need to take that into account.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on December 02, 2013, 05:14:30 PM

Yeah, pretty much the whole thing wasn't a fun time for Cherry, so naturally he's still not too happy about it. The way some of that was handled wasn't that great too. I'll leave it at that, though. The rest can be sorted out via PM. Let's just chill out in here and get all the way back on the rails.

Hmm, should I post stuff about Becky in here before her identity gets revealed, or after? Before I'd have to shove stuff in spoiler tags, but eh. Though it's probably not going to happen now, right now I'm actually running on zero sleep, and thus am probably not in the best state to type such elaborate things. Sleep deprivation drunkenness go, wheee!

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:27:21 PM

Quote from: Alice on December 02, 2013, 05:14:30 PM

Yeah, pretty much the whole thing wasn't a fun time for Cherry, so naturally he's still not too happy about it. The way some of that was handled wasn't that great too. I'll leave it at that, though. The rest can be sorted out via PM. Let's just chill out in here and get all the way back on the rails.

Yeah, exactly, plus it's on-going, so it's hard to just forget about it. I can't just walk back onto BL, after all (I'm too obvious).

Quote

Hmm, should I post stuff about Becky in here before her identity gets revealed, or after? Before I'd have to shove stuff in spoiler tags, but eh.

Well, it depends if you mind people finding out who she is, and if you want any help with her.

Quote

Though it's probably not going to happen now, right now I'm actually running on zero sleep, and thus am probably not in the best state to type such elaborate things. Sleep deprivation drunkenness go, wheee!

Is this an attempt to fix your sleep patterns? :P

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 05:41:31 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:08:04 PM

Well, the whole issue with BL is still rather raw for me, particularly since they have never made any attempt to talk about it reasonably or rationally with me. Altima in particular I am still really upset with, since he was my friend and then suddenly shat all over me after lying through his hind teeth to me over MSN the very night before (and consistently lying to and bullshitting me for most of the previous month, causing me to act in the way that got me banned in the first place).

As for the characters you're taking, that's OK, although it's odd that you'd pick the character with basically no magical ability. Is there a reason for that?

Also, taking Shirou away from Sakura causes him problems due to his body, so you need to take that into account.

I'm assuming he went to an overseas school? There's a reason, I'll PM you about it.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on December 02, 2013, 05:44:12 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:27:21 PM

Well, it depends if you mind people finding out who she is, and if you want any help with her.

Eh, probably her identity is about to be revealed soon enough in the RP anyway (so much for starting her out with a secret identity only to keep it for such a short time :P), but like I said before, if I have to, I can just toss the description into spoiler tags. :) It just depends on whether I should wait until it's safe to do so without the spoiler tags or not so it's easier for people to read or not.

Quote

Is this an attempt to fix your sleep patterns? :P

LOL, not intentionally, but maybe. :P ...I maybe should at least take a nap or something though, I'm pretty sure my brain's just a touch fried right now, and I am pretty tired at this point. ^_^"

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:53:45 PM

Quote from: Arch-Magos Winter on December 02, 2013, 05:41:31 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:08:04 PM

Well, the whole issue with BL is still rather raw for me, particularly since they have never made any attempt to talk about it reasonably or rationally with me. Altima in particular I am still really upset with, since he was my friend and then suddenly shat all over me after lying through his hind teeth to me over MSN the very night before (and consistently lying to and bullshitting me for most of the previous month, causing me to act in the way that got me banned in the first place).

As for the characters you're taking, that's OK, although it's odd that you'd pick the character with basically no magical ability. Is there a reason for that?

Also, taking Shirou away from Sakura causes him problems due to his body, so you need to take that into account.

I'm assuming he went to an overseas school? There's a reason, I'll PM you about it.

Hmm, I'll have to check out what I've written for his backstory. He certainly met Sam in Japan (she went overseas, not him), but I'm not sure if he would have gone overseas himself at any point.

Quote from: Alice on December 02, 2013, 05:44:12 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on December 02, 2013, 05:27:21 PM

Well, it depends if you mind people finding out who she is, and if you want any help with her.

Eh, probably her identity is about to be revealed soon enough in the RP anyway (so much for starting her out with a secret identity only to keep it for such a short time :P), but like I said before, if I have to, I can just toss the description into spoiler tags. :) It just depends on whether I should wait until it's safe to do so without the spoiler tags or not so it's easier for people to read or not.

Well, if you just put the whole thing in spoiler tags then it's easy enough to read....

Quote

Quote

Is this an attempt to fix your sleep patterns? :P

LOL, not intentionally, but maybe. :P ...I maybe should at least take a nap or something though, I'm pretty sure my brain's just a touch fried right now, and I am pretty tired at this point. ^_^"

Well, I'd kind-of like to be able to speak to you tonight :P

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 14, 2014, 07:22:49 PM

Eeee! OC threads always make me smile.  :3

Anyways, I'm currently in the draft form of a relatively monstrous fic that follows this OC in a completely unintended romp through the multiverse. He starts out as a relatively normal person who accidentally pisses off a traveling alternate Zeltrech and gets cursed to travel through the Kaleidoscope to "go be a hero elsewhere brat". This ends up getting him summoned as an Archer Servant by Rin during the Fifth Holy Grail War with absolutely no bonuses or powers because of it.

Every time he fails in the HGW he gets sent back out into the Kaleidoscope and to a growing number of other worlds. While he's summoned to a new HGW each time, he ends up returning to the same other realities repeatedly, like a pendulum that has more mass added at the top of each swing. Each time, desperately getting stronger to avoid dying and save those that he grows close to.

The first profile is of him at the beginning of the fic, while the second is of him after over two decades of being forced to be a hero either by having replaced the protagonist of a series or by being close to one and his morals unwilling to let him sit idly by.

Name: [REDACTED] (TBA)
Race: Human (Servant?)
Class: Archer
Master: Tohsaka Rin
Age: 23
Height: 5' 6''
Weight: 140 lbs.
Eyes: Green
Hair: Brown
Appearance: A lean, relatively fit young man, not unattractive, but with deep-set eyes and pale skin, the occasional dark freckle standing out starkly against it.
Alignment: Lawful Good

Stats
Strength: E-
Agility: E-
Endurance: E-
Mana: N/A
Luck: A
Noble Phantasm: D


Skills:[/b]
Living Spirit: EX - Archer is as close to unique amongst the infinite variety of Servants in the Kaleidoscope as can be. He is a truly living person, ripped from other realities and bound as a Servant in a Class. Archer may respire prana on his own, requiring little to no support from his master, though he still requires a Master as an arcane anchor to the world.

Independent Action: E- - Archer was a follower rather than a leader before becoming a Servant and as such, he has an insultingly low rank in this skill for his class. Archer may remain in the world even without accepting Prana from his master for 30 turns.

Prodigy: C - The Servant is able to learn at an absolutely prodigious speed provided certain conditions are met about either how the knowledge is gained or the type of knowledge itself. Many Shonen heroes have this ability related to their specialization or to combat, allowing them to learn in days what most learn in decades. When Archer is being taught a skill, he learns 30 times faster than a normal person.

Encyclopedic Knowledge: C - As a result of his Prodigy skill over the course of his life, Archer has a wide range of knowledge to draw from in many disciplines.


Noble Phantasms:
Impossible Knowledge: B - Archer bears knowledge from the depths of the Kaleidoscope, knowing things that he should not know, having come from a universe in which the world of the Holy Grail War is fiction.

Other Traits:
Charisma: E
Intelligence: A+

Affinity: Understanding / Learning

Element: Ether


Background: A relatively normal, if a bit weird, young man. Born in America and having lived their his entire, relatively short life, he has not had to deal with the hardships of life, but has seen both poverty and providence in those he was friends with. Having had a loving, middle-class family and no terrible luck befalling them, he has been sheltered from the worst of humanity, but has sought to learn about it. An unabashed nerd, he chose to go to college for accounting, but during the course of his job while in college, he had the horrendous luck of trying to stop an alternate, drunk Zeltrech from leaving the establishment without paying...

Personality:Pleasant and soft spoken, he prefers to avoid confrontation and to listen rather than to talk. He doesn't really mind people walking all over him or following orders, and is willing to change his opinion on many things and readily accept criticism. But with the few things he feels strongly about, he is absurdly stubborn. While lazy, he has no issues doing work, just trouble remembering to do so. Earnest, honest to a fault,  eager to please and see the good of people and the world around him, he's far more cynical than he initially appears.

Weakness: N/A
Likes: Cats, Writing, Sleeping, Reading, Cuddling, Cooking, Science
Dislikes: Idiocy, Tomatoes, Cruelty
Talents: Cooking, Cleaning, Writing, Learning, Mathamatics, Physics, Accounting, Business

This one is still open to revision, heavily, especially if people say that this seems overpowered (which I'm heavily concerned about honestly >_< ).  But this is the second draft of his 'final' strength in the Fate universe in this fic.

... man that was a lot of qualifiers on that statement...  :-[

Name: [REDACTED] (TBA)
Race: Human (Servant?)
Class: Archer
Master: Tohsaka Rin
Age: ~55
Height: 6' 3''
Weight: 340 lbs.
Eyes: Left Eye - Bright violet with runic inscriptions ; Right Eye - Metallic crimson with a vertical pupil and a silver 'white'
Hair: Brown with streaks of gray and silver
Appearance: A lean, relatively fit man, the years have not been kind to him. While not unattractive, scars mar his face, the only exposed portion of his body, one stretching from the corner of his mouth across his cheek, another set of claw marks over his left eye and eyelid, his right ear ragged from some old blow. Small scars and the occasional dark freckle stands out starkly against his pale skin.
Alignment: Lawful Good

Stats
Strength: C+
Agility: C+
Endurance: B+
Mana: C (A+)
Luck: E (A)
Noble Phantasm: EX


Skills:[/b]
Battle Continuation: A+ - While Lancer’s represents his determination to never give up and Berserkers represents his ability to not die, Archer’s represents a combination of his resilient body and his intense regenerative abilities. Any wound that is not decisively fatal will be healed within a day unless it bypasses his regeneration. Dragon-Bane weapons, weapons of sunlight or purifying weapons bypass his regeneration.
Uniquely, the only truly fatal blow for Archer is a blow to the head. Archer has multiple hearts that may be damaged or destroyed without damaging his spiritual core.

Divinity: D - While himself not a demigod, Archer has stolen the spark of divinity from a powerful Demigod of Murder.

Item Creation: EX - Archer is known as the King of All Craftsmen, and the title is not given lightly. He has crafted or improved upon each of his Noble Phantasms, and may create even A rank Noble Phantasms of all types given time and materials.

Living Spirit: EX - Archer is as close to unique amongst the infinite variety of Servants in the Kaleidoscope as can be. He is a truly living person, ripped from other realities and bound as a Servant in a Class. Archer may respire prana on his own, requiring little to no support from his master, though he still requires a Master as an arcane anchor to the world.

Independent Action: B - Archer has fought alone for years, but far more often at the head of or as part of a small team. As was a follower rather than a leader before becoming a Servant and as such, he has an insultingly low rank in this skill for his class. Archer may remain in the world even without accepting Prana from his master for 30 turns.

Prodigy: B - The Servant is able to learn at an absolutely prodigious speed provided certain conditions are met about either how the knowledge is gained or the type of knowledge itself. Many Shonen heroes have this ability related to their specialization or to combat, allowing them to learn in days what most learn in decades. When Archer is being taught a skill, he learns 40 times faster than a normal person.

Reservoir of Knowledge: A+ - Archer has a massive pool of knowledge and skills to draw from. It can reasonably be assumed that he is able to perform any learnable skill at minimum of D rank. He is able to use the following skills at B rank: Bravery, Charisma, Riding, Eye of the Mind (True), Presence Concealment, Instinct, and Military Tactics.

Tainted Blood: A - Archer has been tainted and corrupted by a half dozen different sources, sometimes deliberately, other times not. But he mastered each in turn, and as such, has gained an immense resistance to corruption and evil magics, even the mightiest of them having little to no effect. However, purifying and holy magics increase their effect against him by two ranks.

Transformation: EX - Archer can transform into one, and only one other form. That of a Dragon.
In this form, Archer is unable to use his Noble Phantasms other than Impossible Knowledge, Eyes of the Demon, and Fateless. Most of his skills are useless as well, but his Strength, Agility, Endurance, Mana, and Magic Resistance are all EX rated in this form.

Traveler's Magic: EX - Archer has a solid understanding of many different forms of magic of many different disciplines and is considered an Archmage in many worlds. While the amount of prana he has available is relatively small, he can do things with it that would boggle the minds of even Mages from the Age of Gods and is far more efficient with it when casting spells than would normally be assumed. His effective Mana rating is noted in his statline.
This Skill represents Archer possessing the following skills at A rank: Territory Creation, Thaumaturgy, Rune Magic, Arcane Language, Mana Manipulation, Fade Magic, Clairvoyance, Psionics, and Witchcraft.

Weaponmaster: A - Archer mystically resonates with any weapon he wields, and may lay claim to any weapon he touches. He may use any item with the trait of 'Weapon' as if he had been training with it his entire life, and while holding such an item, he increases all of his physical stats and skill by half a rank. This is already accounted for in his statline as his ever-present armor counts as a weapon.



Noble Phantasms:
Impossible Knowledge: B - Archer bears knowledge from the depths of the Kaleidoscope, knowing things that he should not know, having come from a universe in which the world of the Holy Grail War is fiction.

Armor of the Traveler: The Armor of Barriers, The Armor of Invincibility, Hide of the Demonic Dragon[/b]
Rank: EX Support Phantasm
Range: 0
Maximum Number of Targets: 1
The greatest work of the greatest craftsman, this is Archer's true Phantasm. It is one of the most powerful Defensive and Support Phantasms to ever exist, a suit of armor combines magic from the Age of Gods and technology from both far flung potential futures and distant pasts.

Any attack with a physical presence in the world has its power reduced by four ranks as its power is converted harmlessly into light. Additionally, the power of any elemental or physical attack is reduced by a further four ranks as they are stopped by azure ripples in space.

The armor has a final barrier, a combination of mighty technology and powerful magic. Crystalizing Mana and plasma around the wearer, creating a glowing field and runic inscriptions around them while active. In Fuyuki City or other Leyline areas, it allows Archer to ignore any attack of B rank or lower. An attack that pierces this defense has its power reduced by 4 ranks, but reduces the strength of this barrier by half a rank. In areas of normal prana distribution, the power of this defense is reduced.

The armor proper is effectively indestructible; any attack of C rank after piercing his shields simply fails to affect him. It reduces the power of any attack that hits Archer by three ranks.

In addition to its numerous lesser effects, the armor may shift its appearance at a minimal prana cost, appearing to all natural senses to be its new form, but it's protections and weight do not change. The armor also increases its wearers’ physical stats by one rank, though this is already accounted for in Archer's statline, for his armor is everpresent.

Arsenal Bow: The Bow which Shatters Mountains
Rank: A+ Anti-Unit or Anti-Continent Phantasm
Range: 3 - 999
Maximum Number of Targets: 10000
This massive recurve bow stands as tall as Archer himself and its center is far bulkier than normal. Any arrow fired from this bow flies at an astounding speed, few arrows can even survive the hypersonic transit. Anything fired by the bow also swerves around obstacles as it seeks its target. This bow is used by Archer to fire blades from his Arsenal of the Traveler at his foes like Arrows.
 
Arsenal of the Traveler:
Rank: D - A+ Anti-Personnel through Anti-Army
Range: N/A
Maximum Number of Targets: N/A
An arsenal of weapons collected from the depths of the Kalediscope and crafted by Archer’s own hands. Weapons from potential future and Ages of the Gods, weapons of advanced technology and powerful magic.

Some standouts in this arsenal include Derflinger, the Null Magic sword, Babbo, the Hammer and Flail, the Widowmaker, a rifle that fires slugs of metal at hypersonic speeds, Deadeye, the plasma sniper that fires concentrated blasts of superheated plasma, and Carsomyr, a powerful holy blade.

Barrier Shield: The Unbreakable Walls
Rank: A+++ Support Phantasm
Range: 1 - 50
Maximum Number of Targets: 500
Based on the same defensive principles as his armor, the Barrier Shield is an extremely powerful defensive phantasm in of itself. Creating a plane of various crystalized forces in front of the shield proper. Its defensive barriers are identical to that of his armor, and the shield proper may stop any blow of B rank or less.

Unlike his armor, the Barrier shield may spread its barriers to encompass a much larger area rather than just the user, shielding even a small town from an attack.

The shield itself is very large and heavy, being nearly 60 cm in diameter and able to witstand absolutely tremendous forces, it can be used as a D rank weapon in of itself with its' sharpened edges.

Eyes of the Demon:
Rank: C Support Phantasm
Range: 1 - 35
Maximum Number of Targets: 1
Archer's eyes pierce through all illusions regardless of their rank and allow him to perform D-rank Hypnosis or D-Rank Stat reduction on any that meet his gaze.

Fateless:
Rank: A Anti-Fate Phantasm
Range: N/A
Maximum Number of Targets: N/A
Archer is utterly immune to the powers of Fate, Destiny, and Luck. No effect drawing on these can touch him unless he chooses otherwise. Increase the power of his attacks against those particularly bound by Fate by one rank.

Archer has no luck one way or the other, represented by his E-rank Luck stat. But he may choose to have whatever luck rating he desires when facing a Luck Check provided he is aware of it.

Interitus: The Screaming Blade of Annihilation
Rank: A+++ Anti-Reality
Range: 1 - 99
Maximum Number of Targets: 1000
Archers’ most powerful sword Phantasm, it is a designed by Archer, for Archer.

An Unholy weapon of hatred, corruption, and destruction. Dense and heavy in both matter and prana, the blade is effectively indestructible and impossibly sharp, forged from materials beyond the earth and beyond reality. The blade vibrates at absurd speeds, moaning while at rest shrieking while swung and screaming like twisting metal and tortured souls as it cuts, tearing through anything it hits like a chainsaw even as it shakes it apart from the inside.

When invoked, the blade causes random, extreme fluctuations of space and time around the blade, tearing apart reality even as it brings it close to absolute zero and tears apart matter in a wave of power, rendering the world as it would be after the heat-death of the universe. The same way that Ea could be called the sword that reveals the world Before the Beginning, Interitus reveals the world After the End. As such, their effects cancel one another out. While, when fully charged by prana and spells from Archer, Interitus has an attack power of 'merely' 500 compared to Ea's 4000, Interitus is the direct counter to Ea and will cancel each other out at anything short of Ea's full power.

However, against Holy or the powers of light or purification, Interitus is weakened considerably, making Excalibur the perfect counter to the Screaming Blade.


Other Traits:
Charisma: B
Intelligence: A++

Affinity: Understanding / Learning

Element: Ether


Background: A relatively normal, if a bit weird, young man. Born in America and having lived their his entire, relatively short life, he has not had to deal with the hardships of life, but has seen both poverty and providence in those he was friends with. Having had a loving, middle-class family and no terrible luck befalling them, he has been sheltered from the worst of humanity, but has sought to learn about it. An unabashed nerd, he chose to go to college for accounting, but during the course of his job while in college, he had the horrendous luck of trying to stop an alternate, drunk Zeltrech from leaving the establishment without paying...

Having spent over two and a half decades in near constant combat and war, Archer has gained an immeasurable amount of experience and pain. He has fought demons and demigods, fallen angels and fae, and is both a Dragon-Slayer and a Dragon-Knight. He is a Mangus who wears armor, a swordsman who will use guns, a knight that will attack from stealth, and dozens of other seeming contradictions. He has seen the best and the worst humanity has to offer, and while he has cracked and bent, he has not broken. He has been reforged stronger in heart and purpose than before, and even if he was to die a failure, he would die without regrets.

Personality:Pleasant and generally soft spoken, he prefers to listen rather than to talk. While he is willing to change his opinions about people for the better, his ideals and morals are set in stone. He readily accepts criticism but is unrepentant of mistakes, for he has done the best he could with the information he had, the only thing he can do now is to get better. Authorative and charismatic, he is accustomed to being in command or an expert in a situation, but readily and happily allows those better suited to a situation to take command. While lazy, he has no issues doing work, just trouble remembering to do so. In spite of all that he's seen, he is still earnest, honest to a fault, eager to please, and quick to see the good in people and the world around him.

Weakness: Holy Magic, Dragon-Slaying Effects, Purifying Effects
Likes: Cats, Writing, Sleeping, Reading, Cuddling, Cooking, Magic, Science, Creation
Dislikes: Idiocy, Tomatoes, Cruelty, Intense Sunlight
Talents: Cooking, Cleaning, Writing, Learning, Mathematics, Physics, Accounting, Business

---

Also, are there any OCs that people want looked at? I haven't had time to go through the whole thread yet and any standouts that people still want looked at I'd be happy to do so ^_^

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Bloble on February 16, 2014, 01:16:37 AM

Bro your self insert could out fight Satoshi, and that story idea is worse than Naruto. In short, it's Ecstasy Darks levels of bad.

0/10

(http://i.imgur.com/vsEgg10.jpg)

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 16, 2014, 04:49:03 AM

I don't get either of those references sadly (Ecstasy Darks?), though the pic is funny :D

And I am determined to make the story not suck! Good? If I can swing it, but definitely at least not suck (5/10 at least! Aiming for a minimum of 5/10!)! This, admittedly, will take a while.

More seriously, I was worried that it ends up overpowered, I'd really like to avoid that and would appreciate help doing so :) Those two 'statlines' skip a lot of stuff. ... like hell, a lot of stuff. I just double checked, but it's over 200 pages of just brief summaries between those two statlines. Holy hell I didn't realize I'd written out that much o_O

Anyways, the emphasis of the story would be far less on "AWESOME POWERZ" and far more on "Oh god oh god oh god how do I note die?!", if I do it right (admittedly big If) then it would be a story about a struggle to survive, the repeated crushing of hubris, and how people change. That said, the goal of the story is to have fun, both for me writing it and for anyone reading it. Any help at all to make that happen would be awesome ^_^

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Bloble on February 16, 2014, 05:33:08 AM

Okay, I'll take the chance and assume you're serious about this and not one of CV's lame attempts at trolling. I have three pieces of advice for you.

1. Make your guy weaker, or at least make his final iteration weaker. This isn't something that's negotiable. The hard and fast rule is that Gilgamesh is the strongest Heroic Spirit. It's a rule for a reason. The fucker is OP on purpose and anyone capable of going toe to toe with serious Gil without pulling out an affinity advantage or the power of love (the explicit, author stated reason Saber beat him in Fate) is too strong to be a good character, no matter how many thousands of words you spend justifying said power. You can still have a good story and awesome fights with a relatively weak protagonist, and in fact, they'll be better for it (Shirou and Shiki spend Tsukihime and FSN barely managing to survive and hitting way above their level). Just look at lantz. He thinks his guy Satoshi is the best thing ever, but every single person other than lantz hates Satoshi's guts, and for good reason. Your character is even worse than that, somehow.

2. Read Sleeping With the Girls. It's a similar story to yours about an ordinary self insert thrown into a bunch of anime universes and forced to survive, and it's probably the best such story on the internet. If you're going to follow anyone's example, follow this story's.

3. Get a beta reader. Preferably not someone like Mike who only cares that his favourite character is treated nicely.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 16, 2014, 05:53:52 AM

Quote from: Bloble on February 16, 2014, 05:33:08 AM

Okay, I'll take the chance and assume you're serious about this and not one of CV's lame attempts at trolling. I have three pieces of advice for you.

Quite serious actually, more so than I originally thought I'd be when this popped into my head.

Quote

1. Make your guy weaker, or at least make his final iteration weaker. This isn't something that's negotiable. The hard and fast rule is that Gilgamesh is the strongest Heroic Spirit. It's a rule for a reason. The fucker is OP on purpose and anyone capable of going toe to toe with serious Gil without pulling out an affinity advantage or the power of love (the explicit, author stated reason Saber beat him in Fate) is too strong to be a good character, no matter how many thousands of words you spend justifying said power. You can still have a good story and awesome fights with a relatively weak protagonist, and in fact, they'll be better for it (Shirou and Shiki spend Tsukihime and FSN barely managing to survive and hitting way above their level). Just look at lantz. He thinks his guy Satoshi is the best thing ever, but every single person other than lantz hates Satoshi's guts, and for good reason. Your character is even worse than that, somehow.

That's something I've been concerned about actually, almost exactly.

He spends the first ~third of the story severely underpowered, having to rely on good-natured allies and outside knowledge to not die horrendously. The second-third he's on-par for most of the worlds he ends up in, but still underpowered by Fate standards. It's only the final third of the story that he ends up overpowered, which I'm hoping to turn into an examination of what happens when you have power as well as how he deals with being superatural/unnatural in worlds without magic.

Thing is? Gilgamesh still beats this guy. His armor is explicitly ridiculous, but it doesn't stand up to Ea. Hell, everything he has combined doesn't stand up to Ea. He (by this much later point in the story) is able to stand up to Gate of Babylon in basic spam, but when Gilgamesh gets serious, this guy still loses. He's able to make Gil get somewhat serious, which is saying something, but yeah, Gilgamesh still beats him, even without using Enkidu (Which works on him because god damnit stolen Divinity, that's a nasty surprise when it happens).

IF Gilgamesh didn't take him seriously, Archer OC would take Gil down hard and fast before he had a chance to do otherwise. The problem is, Gilgamesh recognizes quality when he see's it, and that armor alone, not to mention the other 'Phantasms' he carries on him tip Gilgamesh off to take him seriously enough. Gilgamesh is arrogant, not stupid.

(And I forgot to state, yes, it is a Self-Insert, but I try to think of it as another, seperate person to make it easier to write)

Quote

2. Read Sleeping With the Girls. It's a similar story to yours about an ordinary self insert thrown into a bunch of anime universes and forced to survive, and it's probably the best such story on the internet. If you're going to follow anyone's example, follow this story's.

That's actually the inspiration for this! I rather enjoyed it and intend to capture a large portion of the feel of that store if I can.

Quote

3. Get a beta reader. Preferably not someone like Mike who only cares that his favourite character is treated nicely.

I intend to! I have a friend or two that might, but the more eyes looking at this the better, do you have any suggestions for good Beta Readers? :)

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Bloble on February 16, 2014, 06:13:37 AM

Overpowered is almost never good, bro. Ever. Overpowered canon characters are almost always universally hated (except Gil, but whatevs) and overpowered OCs are guaranteed to be hated. I say this with a hundred percent certainty. Look from an outside perspective here. No matter how much you justify it or how much shit you put your character through, no one will like him once he gets that strong. 'Slightly weaker than Gil' is still much too powerful for pretty much everyone. Personally, I'd be wary if you made your guy more powerful than Saber or Lancer. But if that's your intention, fine.

If you're looking for a beta reader or more responses to your idea, I suggest going to Beast's Lair. They've got the best Type-Moon authors and fanboys, so they'll be able to provide better feedback than I ever could, though it'll probably be a lot more insulting as well.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 16, 2014, 06:51:35 AM

Hmm, regardless, thanks! I appreciate any help whatsoever :D Insulting or not, as long as they legit try to help, I'd appreciate it. It's the insults for insults sake that bug me.

And yeah, overepowered is never good. Well, if you focus on the combat. It's the Superman problem, but that's something separate.

Anyways, I understand that, but it's hard to escape. Someone who can stand on the field of battle with Servants at all is severely overpowered in the context of a lot of other more 'reasonable' settings. Taking weaponry from a sci-fi setting and introducing it into a medieval, magical setting is overpowered, even if you remember that you have limited ammo and no infrastructure to take care of it. The ability to perform magic, even in a limited context, breaks assumptions and is overpowered in the same Sci-fi setting that you got the equipment from. And if you were stuck in such a situation, wouldn't you go out of your way to get as many game-breakers as you could?

It's a natural consequence given enough time, and I can't really figure a logical way to avoid that  :o

Okay, slight lie, I have one idea, but it'd be a massive pain to keep track of. My best bet so far is that in universes which he's not actually 'summoned', he's stuck with the body that he had upon summoning. That and after a certain point, he starts getting squeezed into the Servant container like proper Heroic Spirits are due to having too much power for the HGW system to handle. I actually asked in another thread for when that'd be appropriate to do and suggestions on how best to do it.



(Funnily, Saber still could beat him. I didn't even intend for it, but she can still beat him even without Avalon. This amuses me endlessly for no good reason.)

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 16, 2014, 02:34:53 PM

Thanks for spitting on me Bloble, that's awesome

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 16, 2014, 03:24:17 PM

He worded it a bit harshly, but it is the truth. A rather large majority of people really don't like Satoshi, myself included. While a large majority isn't always correct, sometimes when it is indeed this large, it means that there needs to be some serious reconsideration. When a large portion of that large majority is filled with perfectly nice and intelligent people, however, who are getting to the point where they're not being as nice as usual in their irritation with the character, then it really deserves consideration.

You say you heed criticism, but you have shown us absolutely no sign of it. We can't believe you unless we see this with our eyes. It's like with Toshi's characteristics, you expect us to just believe what you tell us over what we actually see. And it doesn't work that way. So if I were you, I'd reconsider a good number of things. It'd benefit you immensely.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 16, 2014, 03:59:43 PM

The only thing I reconsidered was the format of the story. Other than that the thing that must change is that people listen when I speak. I shall not rewrite the story because it is a perfectly decent one, Satoshi is a decent character, I know as much because I'm far more critical of my own work than anyone else.

I have written bad characters, of which Satoshi is not one.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: I3uster on February 16, 2014, 04:36:02 PM

I wish you could see him like I do, Shepard.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on February 16, 2014, 06:22:26 PM

*sigh* Would you guys please learn to SHUT UP?! I don't want to see this place become a place for arguing all the damn time!

Anyway... about OCs, I'm still working on that bit, so it'll take some time before I get back here with them. I hope that... well, it'll take me a while to actually put them down, so I'll have you all judge the OCs later.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on February 16, 2014, 06:49:23 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on February 16, 2014, 03:59:43 PM

The only thing I reconsidered was the format of the story. Other than that the thing that must change is that people listen when I speak. I shall not rewrite the story because it is a perfectly decent one, Satoshi is a decent character, I know as much because I'm far more critical of my own work than anyone else.

I have written bad characters, of which Satoshi is not one.

(http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/564/925/d4f.jpg)

Even the Word Bearers think that's hilarious, and they only laugh at loyalist scum worshiping their Carrion Lord.  Your story is awful on a purely technical level, even before we get to the issues in the characters, plot, etc. etc.

When the fucking MARIDONIA BOOKS look better written, you know you have a problem lantz. And you have one fucking big problem.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on February 16, 2014, 07:33:41 PM

Er, Magos, where did you find that image? 4Chan? Or am I mistaken?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on February 16, 2014, 07:45:07 PM

Check the link address. Or use reverse image search.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Xamusel on February 16, 2014, 07:47:31 PM

Makes sense (now).

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Bloble on February 16, 2014, 08:13:53 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on February 16, 2014, 02:34:53 PM

Thanks for spitting on me Bloble, that's awesome

I'll take it back if you can give me evidence of a single person other than yourself liking Satoshi. You've written decent characters. He isn't one of them.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 16, 2014, 09:24:08 PM

You presume my opinion Bloble, that is how you spit on me. Next time do not assume what I believe, ask me. I consider Satoshi no better than any character I have ever created, I only defend him because of two points. Firstly that none of you have read the story, and so you do not know the context by which he accomplishes anything he does, the way something is accomplished determines whether it is acceptable or not, basing an opinion on a list of accomplishments is a fault on the reader, not the writer. Secondly that the intent of a character colours their actions and Satoshi's intent is always ignored by those who "evaluate" him.

I have said repeatedly that everyone is entitled to their opinion but without reading the work an opinion cannot be fully formed. As such I ignore claims like Mary sue.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 17, 2014, 01:44:48 AM

Except we still see him in the RP. And we can't exactly execute the "don't like, don't read" you love shoving at us there. So story or no story, that serves as enough to pass judgement. And that's supposed to be Satoshi at his height. So that makes it even worse.

Plus the fact that you seek to pass blame to others instead of yourself shows that you're consumed by your own ego. You appear to only write for yourself, and not others. If you don't care about actually bringing readers joy, then why not actually never publish the stories or RP? Because you obviously don't care about anyone's joy except your own in that regard.

Stop assuming that everyone else is wrong and you are right and being so judgemental of others. Otherwise all you'll keep doing is continue to push everyone away from you so that in the end, almost no one likes you. Which you may have already achieved by your own behavior.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on February 17, 2014, 01:59:05 AM

To be fair, he is writing for no reward, if he wants to write solely for his own enjoyment there is nothing wrong with that. And, some people at least do like reading it, and publishing it does no harm, so I don't see why he shouldn't do so.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 17, 2014, 02:00:28 AM

My criticism is more directed at the RPing stuff than anything. His fanfiction we can mostly ignore. The RP stuff we can't really. And that's the problem.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 02:07:07 AM

Whatever, sorry but I'm not inclined to listen to you after the other day Alice. Further I was quite clear about Satoshi and my characters in the RP, it's not my fault you haven't listened.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on February 17, 2014, 02:10:29 AM

I read that with the voice of a valley girl, it fit perfectly

just let that sink in

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 02:33:07 AM

Moving on I only skimmed that new oc, he seems, hmmm, broad I guess, I'll give a better look later

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 17, 2014, 04:10:24 AM

I hardly think you're the best person to judge anyone's OC...

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 17, 2014, 05:28:42 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 02:33:07 AM

Moving on I only skimmed that new oc, he seems, hmmm, broad I guess, I'll give a better look later

That's actually deliberate. He's a jack of all trades and (supposed) to be a master of very few as a general rule, but rather obviously, that failed. Gonna get that fixed though!

Anyways, I looked up Satoshi just to see what the big fuss is about and... well... Lantz, I hate to say it, but he really does come across as a Gary Stu (or however you would word it). To give a full breakdown:

Quote from: lantzblades on November 11, 2013, 03:29:23 AM

the story starts like this, Aoko Zelretch and Merlin enter origin and find that Crimson Moon is fused with Angra Manyu and the moon. Why? Because the multiverse theory states everything is possible and that the bad guy only needs to win once to collapse all of reality. They surmise that they could summon every hero in very universe and stop the end of everything.

This is... kind of crap? At least how you're explaining it here.

From the way the Nasuverse seems to treat the Source/Origin/Root/ 「　」 , it's not something you can alter. It's ALL KNOWLEDGE EVER, sort of like the TRUTH in Full Metal Alchemist.  You can't touch it or affect it in any way. Anyone who has touched it has ceased to exist because you can't comprehend it. Even something like Crimson Moon + Angra Manyu can't. It is infinite.

That said, gives Crimson Moon a huge power boost and the ability to cross dimensional barriers? Sure! Great! Alternatively, just an absolutely horribly bad thing for a significant portion of the multiverse? Sure! This thing winning being bad enough for the local multiverse to justify a huge paradox? Go for it! But affecting  「　」 just... no? Not the way they've defined it in the Nasuverse.

Mind you, I don't have a huge problem with Crimson Moon fused with Angra Manyu, but it'd likely be better stated as Crimson Moon absorbing (and being corrupted by) Angra Manyu as part of absorbing the Holy Grail for power?

Quote

the problem is three fold however. One Zelretch can no longer use the second magic. Two Merlin cannot link origin to the normal world with his own energies. Three Aoko can't find a hero to defeat crim because history says Crimson Moon won.

Why wouldn’t Zeltrech have access to the Second Magic? I’m not sure I understand that.
Could you explain why Merlin can’t link to the normal world a bit better? I can see a few possible reasons but I want to know your reasoning here. The Aoko thing is fine.

Quote

Knowing this they choose a timeline to shatter to solve these issues and force a paradox. This paradox is Satoshi. Ok, well the editor is getting slow so I'll post more later  but I hope everyone understands so far.

Following just fine at this point, but see above for the issues.

Quote

The three sever the time line and begin to modify the paradox to suit their ends. First they cause Gilgamesh to kill Satoshi as a child. Shattering his soul and leaving the majority of it to be protected by the lady of the lake. Saber then gave him Avalon desperate to save her child. His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds his Origin became Unification and Restoration  causing him to have a psychological desire to fix broken objects, relationships etcetera.

after Gilgamesh nearly killed him Saber finally relented and began to train her son. She reached out to other heroes from the grail war to do so.

Hercules and Medea taught him Wrestling, Endurance and survival in Hercules case and Magic theory  in Medea's. Later the Latter position would be taken by Merlin. Aoko came to be an association teacher as a result of past events leaving Rin Tohsaka in charge of the association. Aoko would become Satoshi's sponsor of sorts and train and befriend the boy.

Satoshi would later be the test subject for the later named Rider Arm, a belt device created by Rin Tohsaka as a reverse engineering of Zelretch's kaldo Ruby. The prototype attuned to the user (Satoshi) and drew his soul rather than just energy to him from the other worlds. This means that as the later dubbed Rider Crimson is Satoshi fighting at 1500 Times his final power (this assumes Ruby Causes a girl to assume 1000 times their normal ability) this also gave Rin false data on the project leading to a side project later on.

Satoshi learned how to use firearms secretly from his grandfather, although disliking the practice and not having mastery of the craft he knows more than enough to use them.

Satoshi for years expressed a hatred of animals caused by the lost of a familiar created by Medea at Saber's request. This familiar was Satoshi's first friend, a stuffed lion named Gao who could grow as big as a van and appear as a real lion with all the ferocity of the real thing.  The pair were reunited sometime after Satoshi's revival after his first death.

Phew... hoo boy... where to start... okay, how this guy gets his traits and skills is… horrendously convoluted, there’s no good way to say it. Let me see if I can follow this:

1). Gilgamesh kills this guy as a kid (who’s the kid, just to be sure?) and this (somehow?) shatters Satoshi’s soul.
Why Gilgamesh? What's the point of that? Why didn't our three super mages just do that in the first place?

2). Gilgamesh(?) left the majority of said soul to be protected by the Lady of the Lake
Why? As in: What's the reasoning IC for this?

3). Satoshi is (somehow?) Arturia’s child?
... okay...? Who's the dad?

4). He is given Avalon and “His body a receptor for Avalon (the isle) and the fairies magic connected through the noble phantasm caused his growth to continue and with the other pieces of his soul spread to other worlds” so he always had/has/will forever have Avalon and it works for him like it would for Arturia?
Why not just say he's got Avalon and is able to use it normally? What does this do differently than that other than to make Satoshi "more special" (which is uneccessary)?

5). This turned his Origin into Unification and Restoration, making him want to fix shit (as a compulsion?)
... okay, sure. Bit unusual considering Avalon is the crystalized Utopia, but acceptable.

6).  After Gilgamesh nearly killed him, Arturia begins training him (after not training him?) and reaches out to other heroes from the HGW to do so (How? If she still has Avalon, she’s alive, so how does she access these Heroic Spirits?)

7). Heracles and Medea teach him shit
How? How are they able to be in the same place as him at the same time anyways? Why not use other, better teachers? (Not that you can do a lot better than Heracles, but you can do better than Medea)

8). Merlin teaches him shit
Sure! No problems here.

9). Aoko became an association teacher because reasons leaving Rin in charge of the Association
Wait, huh? How does that work out? Aoko doesn’t lead the Association in the first place, how does that put Rin in charge?

10). Aoko becomes Satoshi’s sponsor and trains/befriends the boy
Okay, lost me on how he’s here as well as with Saber at the same time

11). Satoshi gets the Rider Arm which draws soul across realities and lets him fight 1500 times his “full power” compared to the original item (made by Zeltretch) that increases it by 1000 times (by assumption).
This seems… ridiculous. A). Why would this thing work when Zeltrech doesn’t have the second magic? B). Rin is a genius, but Zeltretch is an ancient genius, that something she made exceeds something he did by 50% seems… silly at best. This needs a lot more explanation to be plausible.

12). Satoshi learns how to use firearms (secretly) from his grandfather (who is…?) but doesn’t like them
Why is this added then? It seems like it’s adding a trait just for the sake of adding a trait, something that quickly gets called out as a ‘Sue’ trait as you've definitely been told.

13). Satoshi can die and revive? He used to hate animals but now…. What? He has a stuffed lion that can turn into a battle lion that (somehow?) sticks with him every time he revives?
The problem here is more of the number of questions this raises without any answers rather than the lion thing itself.

And please, before you state that it’s a deliberate paradox, I understand that, but a certain amount of logic is required for readers to suspend their disbelief, and I'm totally missing it. It seems to be exclusively set up to make Satoshi ultra special, and that's sure to turn someone off of a character, regardless of how powerful it makes them (or not). You've also left off any personality quirks, likes, dislikes, flaws, or generally detrimental things about the character.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 17, 2014, 05:51:09 AM

That's a pretty nice breakdown. Though to clarify on who Satoshi's father is, it's Shirou. Somehow in lantz's universe, all the Servants are still around and fine and OK and married with children (because they're real now, because otherwise that means they're ok to kill apparently, so magically giving them all real bodies fixes that! ...Yeah, don't ask me how that works) and stuff.

Also, this might help you a bit as well:

http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155 (http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155)

That's Satoshi's character sheet for Cross Effects. It's apparently what Toshi's abilities are cumulative after his adventures or whatever. ...If you think he looks Stu-ish now, wait until you see the sheet...

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: The Man With All The Cute Boats on February 17, 2014, 05:51:32 AM

You're okay, kid.

sometimes asking the wrong questions, but hey

You're okay.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Andoriol on February 17, 2014, 06:07:01 AM

Quote from: Alice on February 17, 2014, 05:51:09 AM

That's a pretty nice breakdown. Though to clarify on who Satoshi's father is, it's Shirou. Somehow in lantz's universe, all the Servants are still around and fine and OK and married with children (because they're real now, because otherwise that means they're ok to kill apparently, so magically giving them all real bodies fixes that! ...Yeah, don't ask me how that works) and stuff.

Also, this might help you a bit as well:

http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155 (http://darksidemoon.net/SMF_forum/index.php/topic,55.msg12155.html#msg12155)

That's Satoshi's character sheet for Cross Effects. It's apparently what Toshi's abilities are cumulative after his adventures or whatever. ...If you think he looks Stu-ish now, wait until you see the sheet...

...

*raises hand*

...

*puts hand down*

...

*raises hand again and opens mouth*

...

*puts it down and ponders*

...

Lantz, sweetie... this is excessive.

I'm perfectly willing and happy to help you with the character, but the character definitely needs help. I'm willing to give a full breakdown of why, but that's... just too much. There's no better way to put it.

Quote from: NamesAreHardToComeUpWith on February 17, 2014, 05:51:32 AM

You're okay, kid.

sometimes asking the wrong questions, but hey

You're okay.

Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy

This amuses me more than it should.

Probably because I haven't been called kid in 5+ years.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 06:17:11 AM

Sorry but you'll either read the story or you won't. I've given up trying to explain him in threads like this one. I am however heeding the one valid point given to me and reformatting the story chronologically. That's all I'll say on the subject.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Alice on February 17, 2014, 06:29:43 AM

And then almost no one will read it. Except for a few people like Mike and a fair few masochists like Magos who have a tendency to read stories like that and pick them apart.

I know you like to take all the criticism you receive out on me and act as if I'm the only one that ever gives it, but as is, pretty much no one is going to like your story or read it. What chapters have been released have been ripped to shreds by a number of people elsewhere (I'd say here as well, but for the most part, people have avoided the story on this site), and the majority of the people who have seen him in the RP don't really want to read about him thanks to how unlikeable he comes across there. It's not just me saying these things, as much as you like to act as if I am.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 07:06:05 AM

That is a falsehood Alice, that is your incorrect perception of what I do and nothing more. In the future do not speak as if you know what I think.

you are a trigger and I want nothing to do with you.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on February 17, 2014, 09:44:51 AM

Shut the fuck up lantz.

You've never attempted to even consider that the majority of people here are in the right. You act nothing like an author should, and avoid critique like the plague. I envy BL, because they will never need to deal with your shit again. Instead, we do, and I'm fucking sick of it.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on February 17, 2014, 05:10:45 PM

Clearly you failed to read my recent post where I outright state I'm following a criticism given to me Arch. I am, as was asked illuminating the events in the story by chronologically formatting the story so that everyone can know why things are as they are, this is because the complaint overall was, sure, ok I buy that you could explain why Satoshi is the way he is but there's too much to absorb that's new and it's hard to follow.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Arch-Magos Winter on February 17, 2014, 06:02:44 PM

Except it's a complaint that's been leveled before that you outright refused to address until now. Basically Lantz, you can go fuck yourself as you have no respect for your readers.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on February 17, 2014, 06:06:07 PM

Magos, cut it out.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Kat on February 25, 2014, 04:41:46 PM

I've seen certain things out of lantz's "art" and my best advice is to ignore him completely. Giving him unwarranted attention only feeds his ego.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Phearo on October 13, 2014, 02:32:15 PM

In terms of OCs the only characters I seem to create are those based on negative emotions. Bitterness and regret, rage and depression, manic violence and apathy are some of the pairs I've centered a character on. They hate the world and the world hates them back.

Yes, very grimderp and stupid, I need to stop writing these guys when I'm in such a bad mood.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on October 15, 2014, 11:56:57 PM

Hmm, interesting. Is that just the sort of characters you like?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 16, 2014, 01:29:38 PM

As for my characters, people who are at CE know who they are: Rattus, Neo and Yukina.

I'm always looking for someone who will ask me to elaborate on them but, until then, I wouldn't.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Phearo on October 18, 2014, 01:17:49 AM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on October 15, 2014, 11:56:57 PM

Hmm, interesting. Is that just the sort of characters you like?

No, not really. I'm quite indifferent to a variety of character archetypes, it's just those traits are the ones I subconsciously veer towards to whenever I make my own.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on October 19, 2014, 01:55:56 AM

I've honestly wanted to ask Ivan, ever since Rattus pulled that gun way back in the annex just never had the chance.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 19, 2014, 08:16:52 AM

Quote from: lantzblades on October 19, 2014, 01:55:56 AM

I've honestly wanted to ask Ivan, ever since Rattus pulled that gun way back in the annex just never had the chance.

Then ask specific questions, now.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on October 20, 2014, 01:31:07 AM

What exactly is rattus' involvement in world war two? As I recall he was a Nazi officer, but there's a big difference depending on how he was involved.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 20, 2014, 06:01:23 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on October 20, 2014, 01:31:07 AM

What exactly is rattus' involvement in world war two? As I recall he was a Nazi officer, but there's a big difference depending on how he was involved.

He was in the Schutzstaffel, with the rank of Hauptstrumfuehrer. First in the Allegemeine SS, then later on to Totenkopfverbaende during his service in Dachau. He was later on transferred to Auschwitz when it first opened, then served as the head guard for the Birkenau subcamp. He was in the Guard Battalion and, if my research is correct, people assigned as camp guards seldom had direct contact with the prisoners, if it ever happened.

Next question.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on October 21, 2014, 12:32:47 PM

Quote from: Ivan The Mouse on October 20, 2014, 06:01:23 PM

Quote from: lantzblades on October 20, 2014, 01:31:07 AM

What exactly is rattus' involvement in world war two? As I recall he was a Nazi officer, but there's a big difference depending on how he was involved.

He was in the Schutzstaffel, with the rank of Hauptstrumfuehrer. First in the Allegemeine SS, then later on to Totenkopfverbaende during his service in Dachau. He was later on transferred to Auschwitz when it first opened, then served as the head guard for the Birkenau subcamp. He was in the Guard Battalion and, if my research is correct, people assigned as camp guards seldom had direct contact with the prisoners, if it ever happened.

Next question.

They probably didn't have a lot of contact, no, but I'm pretty sure they knew what was going on there. Especially as the head guard.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: lantzblades on October 21, 2014, 07:44:25 PM

How did Yukina and that alchemist guy meet Rattus exactly?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 22, 2014, 07:09:03 AM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on October 21, 2014, 12:32:47 PM

They probably didn't have a lot of contact, no, but I'm pretty sure they knew what was going on there. Especially as the head guard.

Yes, he did know. The problem is that the Shoah as we know it didn't really start when Dachau, the very first concentration camp, opened in 1933, neither did it start in 1940, when Auschwitz opened. In fact, the very first inmates of these camps were criminal and political prisoners during their earliest days. It wasn't until in 1942, when Himmler ordered that all Jewish people imprisoned in the German camps should be transferred to the extermination camps Auschwitz and Majdanek, that the mass killing didn't happen.

And I believe I specified this on the background story in his CE profile, but I did basically say that when Rattus saw the first mass transport of German Jews to Auschwitz, he started to realize what kind of person Hitler really is and it made him disillusioned and disgusted at the Nazi regime. Despite that or maybe even because of that, he went on and just continued to serve at Auschwitz, partly because he because he became cynical and lost all hope for the future, and partly because of Pflichtbewusstsein or his Prussian sense of duty. And during his time at the camp, he refused to do anything directly harmful or directly beneficial to the prisoners.

Quote from: lantzblades on October 21, 2014, 07:44:25 PM

How did Yukina and that alchemist guy meet Rattus exactly?

Neo, the obnoxious alchemist guy, met Rattus first at San Francisco back in 1970. He tried to rob Rattus while he was dealing arms with the Mafia. They tried to kill each other during the encounter, which made them discover each others' immortality. Neo was first offered by Rattus to be his bodyguard after that. He said no at first, but took the offer later on.

Yukina, on the other hand, met the two of them at Tokyo in 1971. Those two guys were being pursued by the local Yakuza via automotive, and Yukina, seeing that they needed help, hotwired a car and crash-dive it to the Yakuza's car. She got injured at the incident especially one of those surviving Yakuza members got out of the car and shot her. Rattus and Neo saw what she did, they got her fixed, interviewed her and she eventually joined them.

These questions have their answers written in the CE profiles, you need to read them. But next question.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on October 22, 2014, 11:47:01 AM

Quote from: Ivan The Mouse on October 22, 2014, 07:09:03 AM

Yes, he did know. The problem is that the Shoah as we know it didn't really start when Dachau, the very first concentration camp, opened in 1933, neither did it start in 1940, when Auschwitz opened. In fact, the very first inmates of these camps were criminal and political prisoners during their earliest days. It wasn't until in 1942, when Himmler ordered that all Jewish people imprisoned in the German camps should be transferred to the extermination camps Auschwitz and Majdanek, that the mass killing didn't happen.

I'm pretty sure concentration camps weren't exactly nice places even before the Holocaust started. They were pretty much places for Hitler to dump anyone he didn't like and work them to death. Anyone willing to uphold such a system is a complete asshole.

Quote

And I believe I specified this on the background story in his CE profile, but I did basically say that when Rattus saw the first mass transport of German Jews to Auschwitz, he started to realize what kind of person Hitler really is and it made him disillusioned and disgusted at the Nazi regime. Despite that or maybe even because of that, he went on and just continued to serve at Auschwitz, partly because he because he became cynical and lost all hope for the future, and partly because of Pflichtbewusstsein or his Prussian sense of duty.

Wow, so "sense of duty" is more important than mass murder? What an complete and utter wanker....

Quote

And during his time at the camp, he refused to do anything directly harmful or directly beneficial to the prisoners.

That really doesn't absolve him, at all. He knew they were murdering people, and yet he not only refused to help them in any way, but even actively assisted in ensuring that they would be murdered. Saying "he didn't do anything directly harmful" is just a bullshit cop-out excuse. The guy is an asshole.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 22, 2014, 01:44:34 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on October 22, 2014, 11:47:01 AM

I'm pretty sure concentration camps weren't exactly nice places even before the Holocaust started. They were pretty much places for Hitler to dump anyone he didn't like and work them to death. Anyone willing to uphold such a system is a complete asshole.

Rattus isn't a complete asshole. The guy fought in the trenches of World War 1, most notably in Somme. When his country got slapped with the War Guilt Clause in the Treaty of Versailles and got reduced to poverty, he got really angry, so he was determined to bring his country back to prominence, especially when he was there when Prussia faced Napoleon during his conquests, when the German Confederation became the German Empire.

In other words, he can't take that the Empire he helped build just suddenly fell from grace, so he bit the bullet while serving at the camps. He wanted to get the Germany he loved back to the top, even at the price of political liberties. He just didn't expect that Hitler will actually massacre the Jews, knowing that they'll gain nothing if Hitler did so.

Quote

Wow, so "sense of duty" is more important than mass murder? What an complete and utter wanker...

You're taking this in the wrong way. He was immortal, not invulnerable. And so, since he has no other powers than immortality, what can one man do to stop a massacre that grand in scale. Remember, he lost hope and he became cynical.

Quote

That really doesn't absolve him, at all. He knew they were murdering people, and yet he not only refused to help them in any way, but even actively assisted in ensuring that they would be murdered. Saying "he didn't do anything directly harmful" is just a bullshit cop-out excuse. The guy is an asshole.

I'm not absolving him. That's why I also said he did nothing beneficial to the prisoners as a camp guard. He is guilty of just throwing his hands up when it finally sunk in him that the Jews were going to be killed for the sake of the Nazi ideology, because he knew that he can't do anything about it as lone person. And besides, how can you say that I am absolving him if I basically just said that he did nothing to help the Jews at all, not out of hatred for them, but because of his cynicism?

In either way, he wasn't an asshole, he was a cynical loser. This, combined with the fact that he did do a one-man guerrilla campaign against the French when they got hold of Prussia back the Napoleonic Wars, is a giant wake-up call to him, as a reminder that cynicism isn't equal to practicality.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on October 26, 2014, 02:37:49 AM

Quote from: Ivan The Mouse on October 22, 2014, 01:44:34 PM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on October 22, 2014, 11:47:01 AM

I'm pretty sure concentration camps weren't exactly nice places even before the Holocaust started. They were pretty much places for Hitler to dump anyone he didn't like and work them to death. Anyone willing to uphold such a system is a complete asshole.

Rattus isn't a complete asshole. The guy fought in the trenches of World War 1, most notably in Somme. When his country got slapped with the War Guilt Clause in the Treaty of Versailles and got reduced to poverty, he got really angry, so he was determined to bring his country back to prominence, especially when he was there when Prussia faced Napoleon during his conquests, when the German Confederation became the German Empire.

In other words, he can't take that the Empire he helped build just suddenly fell from grace, so he bit the bullet while serving at the camps. He wanted to get the Germany he loved back to the top, even at the price of political liberties. He just didn't expect that Hitler will actually massacre the Jews, knowing that they'll gain nothing if Hitler did so.

Except that he was guarding the camps in which the massacre took place. How can he claim not to know what was going on there?

Quote

Quote

Wow, so "sense of duty" is more important than mass murder? What an complete and utter wanker...

You're taking this in the wrong way. He was immortal, not invulnerable. And so, since he has no other powers than immortality, what can one man do to stop a massacre that grand in scale. Remember, he lost hope and he became cynical.

Well, you could walk into Berlin and shoot Hitler for one thing....

Quote

Quote

That really doesn't absolve him, at all. He knew they were murdering people, and yet he not only refused to help them in any way, but even actively assisted in ensuring that they would be murdered. Saying "he didn't do anything directly harmful" is just a bullshit cop-out excuse. The guy is an asshole.

I'm not absolving him. That's why I also said he did nothing beneficial to the prisoners as a camp guard. He is guilty of just throwing his hands up when it finally sunk in him that the Jews were going to be killed for the sake of the Nazi ideology, because he knew that he can't do anything about it as lone person. And besides, how can you say that I am absolving him if I basically just said that he did nothing to help the Jews at all, not out of hatred for them, but because of his cynicism?

In either way, he wasn't an asshole, he was a cynical loser. This, combined with the fact that he did do a one-man guerrilla campaign against the French when they got hold of Prussia back the Napoleonic Wars, is a giant wake-up call to him, as a reminder that cynicism isn't equal to practicality.

My point is that there are no excuses for what he did, at all. Dumb nationalism is not a justification for overlooking mass murder.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Ivan The Mouse on October 26, 2014, 04:16:16 AM

Quote from: Cherry Lover on October 26, 2014, 02:37:49 AM

Except that he was guarding the camps in which the massacre took place. How can he claim not to know what was going on there?

I told you already, the Jews were not shipped into any extermination camps until Himmler ordered it so on October 5, 1942. Auschwitz received its first transport of German Jewish inmates on December 10 of the same year. To put this into perspective, Auschwitz began its operation on May 20, 1940, with 30 German criminal prisoners as its first prisoners. That's two years difference between the opening of Auschwitz and the exact date when the Holocaust began.

Quote

Well, you could walk into Berlin and shoot Hitler for one thing....

Well, you really think that nobody will continue the ideological legacy of Hitler even after he's dead, when he's actually surrounded by people who believe in his racial ideologies but actually more competent than him, such as Heydrich, Himmler, Goebbels or Goering? Not to mention virtually most of the SS personnel or the Nazi party itself? You really think the war will stop if you killed Hitler alone?

Quote

My point is that there are no excuses for what he did, at all. Dumb nationalism is not a justification for overlooking mass murder.

Well, that's the point of his Third Reich-era background story: Aside from his dumb nationalism, his cynicism, desperation and wanting to resurrect the past he cherished so much made him overlook the whole thing. To quote one of Queen's songs to describe his situation, he headed for disaster 'cause he never read the signs.

What's worst, Hitler himself told off Rattus when he complained about the Holocaust during their final confrontation on the Fuehrerbunker: When Rattus aired his ire on him about the whole massacre that took place, Hitler accused him of being a conservative royalist who only rode on his coat-tails because of his desire to take revenge for the Treaty of Versailles. (Take note, conservative royalism, or wanting to have the Emperor back, is against Nazi ideals.) Rattus affirms this accusation and told Hitler that he ruined Germany with the Final Solution. In rebuttal, Hitler called Rattus a weak person on the basis that he served him despite hating Hitler's ideals of what he wants Germany to be like. Of course, because Hitler has a point, Rattus just shut up.

In short, if even Hitler despises you for being not true to your ideals and instead, being a myrmidon to the country because you want to have revenge, there must be something wrong with you.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Kat on February 16, 2015, 11:58:02 AM

This thread. : ^)

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: SINIB on February 16, 2015, 04:23:59 PM

You necroed the thread to say that?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Kat on February 16, 2015, 04:37:33 PM

I'm bored.

But, Frosty 'encouraged' me to think of another Saber clone today, so I guess I will work on my own OC, maybe for the purpose of a fanfic.

Mitsuhide as a Saber clone, with her own Excalibur version as inspired by Gintama's Lesson 417.

Excalibur Sigma: Rebellion Against Demon King of the Six Heavens.

Hideyoshi owns Excalibur Omega, but not sure yet if he just sword hunted himself own Excalibur or is a Saber clone.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on February 16, 2015, 05:44:17 PM

Lol, does the world really need more Saber clones? I'm going to have to check your IP against Jacks, to see if you're a secret puppet of his :P

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Kat on February 16, 2015, 06:41:05 PM

They sell better than Sakura clones : ^)

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 03, 2015, 05:44:37 PM

Not so much an OC as a variant of the Fate/Extra female protagonist. I'm trying t adjust this but I'm not sure what I should be doing.

Race: Servant Caster

Gender: female

Age: visibly 16

Name: Manami Horobiya

appearance: Long brown wavy hair with matching large brown eyes. Her bangs are cut in an even fringe that dangle just above the eyes. She wears a western style school uniform with a tan colored blazer and pleated skirt to match. She wears stockings and brown loafers to complete the school girl look. Her skin is like alabaster making her resemble some sort of porcelain doll than a real girl. She appears helpless to the point people feel uncomfortably compelled to help her. The effect is almost like the Servant Skill Charisma but her status shows she does not have such a skill.

personality: She's rather blunt and awkward, especially at first impressions. She doesn't believe that she has a personality because she lacks memories. Still, she's witty and razor tongued when provoked. At most times she's a very neutral type of person, hating the idea of violence and yet she is also not against it when required of her. Though generally cordial and almost meek further enhancing that doll like image, she has the tendency to throw a mean punch at anything that surprises her as an involuntary reflex. She believes that perhaps she was a person who didn't believe in slapping.

Parameters:

Strength: E

Endurance: E

Agility: E

Mana: C

Luck: D

Noble Phantasm: B

Class Skill:

Territory Creation: E
- She is incapable of actually making a territory suited for maximizing her magecraft or item creation. However she has impeccable domestic skills that maximize productivity of whoever is using it. For example; if she tidies up the study, whoever is in the study for purposes of research or paperwork feel unnaturally driven and without laziness.

Item Creation: E
- Having no experience in crafting during her life, Caster cannot create even simple talismans as imposed by this class skill. Such is the level of her incompatibility with crafting. However she has a rank E in it just so it appears on the status sheet.

Personal skill:

Independent Action: EX
- She can exist on her own mana supply indefinitely even without a contract. In fact, she can exist indefinitely even when contracted as a master or prana source so long as it does not exceed her generation of it.

Magecraft: E
- Shown to be capable of using fairly powerful single action spells. Still useless when it comes to dealing with servants having any form of magic resistance. Though that may be irrelevant seeing as most of Caster's spells are supportive in nature.

Eyes of the Mind(True): D+++
- Though limited, experience gained throughout her life has sharpened Caster's mind to a point that she can read the tells of an opponent's moves. Her accuracy with this is normally 50-50 as if she is merely guessing. When specific information is obtained on the opponent, the effect doubles. Another increment is added when her luck check is a positive. At it's maximum, Caster's Mind's Eye does not only predict attacks accurately and precisely as if she had future vision; it also allows her to grasp at the possibility of victory even when the chances are 0%, even when faced with gods with no preparation whatsoever.

Noble Phantasm:

Contract Servant - An Alteration of the Soul: B (Support type Noble Phantasm)
- Though any servant, especially caster class servants, can become a master. Caster's is unique as it allows her to turn even living things into her servant. Another unique point to her contract is once her servant's parameters are settled, they receive a bonus 2 ranks in all parameters. With everything else, it resembles the standard Master-Servant system of the grail war, meaning Caster would have her own set of command seals specific to the servant contracted to her.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Panda on March 03, 2015, 06:58:43 PM

Going to be perfectly honest here, I'm suddenly fighting a strong temptation to drop Adjutor Xarrest in here. Probably not going to, but I'm not entirely sure yet...

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 03, 2015, 09:06:05 PM

Wow, that's a very weak servant, although I guess that's not overly surprising.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: YOLF on March 03, 2015, 09:30:08 PM

Seeing this thread ressurected actually reminds me of this OC I made several years back.

Fukui Hibiki was a freelance mage with a biting demeanor, relying primarily on runes and other written magic. Ordinarily he worked together with his teacher, an eastern combat mage who also resorted to demonic magic. Son of a japanese onmyoji working as a freelance exorcist and an orthodox western mage from England; when he was some 7 years old his father failed to return from an investigation mission for his employers, and his mother died not long after from the backlash of a curse she removed in her line of work. His mother's cousin, Sakurama Kazuya, was the one who raised him from that point onwards and started to train him, which led to Hibiki eventually joining the same jobs as a mercenary.

Most of his magic didn't use incantions. Instead he used a Light Scribing spell to project written magic formulas on the air and enact complex spellcraft through them. Since he had unusually efficient eidetic memory, instead of dedicating it to remembering lines and lines of text from spell books, he used it to memorize rune sequences, magic circles and geometrical magical equations with perfect precision.

Essentially, instead of casting magic, he wrote out magic, with greater and faster results than regular spells once he dominated Light Scribing to the point he could instantly project meters and meters wide complex arrays. He still used essential magics without much difficulty, but they weren't the core of his abilities. He was trained in martial arts, but he didn't practice any one in particular and just mixed efficient moves in the most straightforward way in combat. His resilience and strength were greatly increased, even without any special focus, from the runes he had also engraved on himself.

All around, his skillset made him a formidable fighter at most ranges. His major weakness was that he wasn't fast when compared to other fighters in his weight class.

I originally came up with him for a Negima fanfiction where he'd get sent off to be Negi's assistant, and his teacher was an expy of Sakurazuka Seishirou that I had actually conceptualized earlier. His character arc, as I initially envisoned it, was going to revolve around him finding a life he wants to protect with the people he meets at Mahora Academy, and deciding to help some of them with their own objectives, instead of just keeping up with his work and satisfying himself with having the chance to help others every now and then.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 03, 2015, 11:47:26 PM

@yolf: seems to be a rather unfortunate man.

Caster was supposed to have two more abilities. One is a personal skill while the other is her ultimate Noble Phantasm. However I found that it completely tipped the balance somewhat to a screwy scale.

Personal Skill:

Obfuscation: E
- She cannot actually hide her presence but she has a unique constitution for a servant. For one, she feels remarkably human without the air of a heroic spirit. That means she is less likely to be detected as a servant by means of searching out traces of mana or presence compared to normal servants. Even when knowing she is a servant, one cannot help but feel they're just standing in front of a normal human. Another extent of her plainness allows her to be easily overlooked. That is completely different from hiding one's presence because her presence is overlooked instead of being concealed.

Noble Phantasm:

Moon Cell Automaton - Soul, Will and Mind of God, The Holy Grail of Information: EX
- Her act of heroism acknowledged by the Holy Grail was winning the Moon Cell Holy Grail War and then using her wish to seal it away, even though merely making the wish would cause in her destruction. Even when drawing from the strength of the Holy Grail to create miracles, Caster cannot truly call on the Moon Cell. And even if she could, she could not make any wish on it due to her wish being used up as well as the process of her being destroyed repeated once again. Instead, what is summoned is a replica of the Moon Cell as a reality Marble based on her memories, one that would not destroy her on entrance. Inside the Moon Cell is information on everything, from the Earth's Inception to the current second, from the biography of great historical figures to the detailed story of the life of a single ant. All information of the world becomes available to Caster as well as the Moon Cell's processing ability to choose the ideal path in achieving one's desired scenario.

I cut off Obfuscation because it felt odd enough for a Caster to have Independent Action and True Eye of the Mind, especially in such high ranks. And that level of Obfuscation would be more played for laughs than any serious application in the story. As for her second Noble Phantasm, I think it would make her a bit overpowered considering how big of a deal information is in the Holy Grail War. She would immediately know who are the Master Servant Pairs in the war and would be provided with the exact measures to defeat each one. This would swing her position as the weakest servant to possibly the most powerful.

She was never meant to be a powerful servant though, because she was summoned specifically into the 5th holy grail war due to its participants. I wanted her true worth to lie in who she recognizes and knows in the war, particularly her master Emiya Shirou.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 04, 2015, 03:51:40 PM

Well, she wouldn't know Shirou properly, she'd only know Archer. And, whilst she does know a version of Rin and Sakura, they aren't the same person, especially in Rin's case.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 05, 2015, 02:39:23 AM

Exactly. It's familiar and yet she distinctly knows these are different people. As the war drags on though, the people she remembers exhibit the same personalities, tendencies, quirks that she knew them for confusing her as she acts like she knows them on impulse. It's even harder when her master acts much like the justice freak Archer described himself as in a past life. And Caster's memories of Archer that flow into Shirou through dreams slowly teach him magecraft through instinct, if only because they share the same abnormal origin of the sword, non-withstanding them being the same person from different dimensions. Archer's level of projection would eventually spur Shirou on to perfect the craft enough to at least deploy in combat.

The idea would be for the roles to reverse as Caster stands back while her master takes to direct combat. Her Noble Phantasm Contract Bond could be used on Shirou and he would gain similar abilities as that of a servant with an added boost of 2 ranks to every parameter.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 05, 2015, 03:49:57 PM

Wait, so Shirou would be her servant and her master? How does that even work?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 05, 2015, 04:04:23 PM

Well the grail being corrupt made it screw the rules a bit. It just so happened that the Caster it chose was one whose only feat of being a magus was winning a holy grail war. So that's what it focused on. There is no problem for Caster to bind a servant and become a master. To the grail, the number of masters never really mattered. In some cases it's just more mana to fuel it, in another case the rules have always been the winner is the last master standing. If someone who already possessed command seals steps in, then it doesn't react negatively. Neither would the judges, most likely.

As for the dynamic between Shirou and Caster, their prana is interlinked. She sends prana to him while he sends prana to her. Both are masters to each other and both are servants to each other. Each can use the command seal on the other and the effectiveness is dependent on their will as per usual and whoever goes first. Other than those I don't think their dynamic would change much. Unless I'm missing something.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 05, 2015, 06:36:00 PM

Hmm, I see.

The idea of her being able to make humans into servants seems reasonable, it just seems a bit odd for her to have her own master as a servant. Also, since she is a servant and needs prana to survive, how can she send it to Shirou?

Also, does Shirou get a choice in this? Or could she just enforce it?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 06, 2015, 12:58:39 AM

Hmmm, well you make a point about Shirou being her servant. But it's the only chance Caster has to fight back against any other servant. Heck even Assassin would destroy her. I would think that if Caster needed a servant to be able to fight back, Shirou wouldn't even consider involving anyone else. That is unless she can summon her own servant but then again she only summoned her servant by accident and she has no idea how to actually summon one at will. As for the prana sending. Well I have to rethink that one a bit I guess. She doesn't really need to get prana from Shirou because she has an abnormal Independent Action skill almost on par with Gilgamesh. Still wouldn't make much sense for her to send Shirou prana though so yeah.

As for Shirou having a choice. Contract Bond requires the consent of both Caster and the one being bonded to her as servant. So they have to come to an understanding before anything can happen.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 06, 2015, 02:17:11 PM

True, as long as Shirou trusts her not to force him to do something he wouldn't agree with, he wouldn't think twice about accepting. It's not like he cares much for the whole master/servant concept anyway....

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 07, 2015, 09:12:07 AM

If I remember correctly, CCC happens during Extra so I was thinking... What if Caster's servant then had been Archer during the Grail War but during the interlude of the Far Side Incident, her servant was Gilgamesh? And to some extent she and Gilgamesh got along? Enough that he had come crashing into the Moon Cell during her last moments to save her, only seconds too late as she was on the last seconds of deletion alongside Archer. Would interactions regarding CCC Gilgamesh work with Fate Gilgamesh?

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: Cherry Lover on March 08, 2015, 12:45:25 AM

Well, FSN Gilgamesh wouldn't know her and would have no reason to get to know her, so I doubt it. He'd just see her as another mongrel.

Title: Re: the OC corner
Post by: demino_hellsin on March 16, 2015, 02:57:07 AM

This time an actual original character.

Name: Hyde Nemoto Hendrikson

Status: freelance mage

Age: 16

Gender: Male

Magic circuit quantity: C

Magic circuit quality: C

Elemental affinity: Fire(normal), thought(origin compulsion)

Origin: reading/comprehension(awakened)

Appearance: Short black hair brushed back into unruly spikes. He tends to dress strangely in outlandishly modified modern clothes mixed with more formal clothing like sweaters that end in a fingerless palm glove with adjustable elastic sleeves under a silk vest while wearing slacks.

Personality: He's the type of person who's difficult to get a handle on. With his origin awakened, it would not be strange to find him always with a book in hand. However he is by no means a bibliophile. He merely likes to gain understanding of concepts, reading into situations, information and phenomena until he cannot find anomalies in the reasoning. He is always studying one thing or another with nothing in relation to any useful field at the time like a sudden interest in perfectly understanding human metabolism so he repeatedly gains and loses weight on purpose just to learn more of it. When speaking of problems, he always acts like it has nothing to do with him regardless whether the problem was caused by him, troubling him or troubling someone in any relation to him. He has a sense of right and wrong but shows little to no emotion at all when it comes to morality, merely treating it as judging through logic. Despite his origin affecting his ability to show compassion for others due to its awakening as well as his core personality, his affinity for human thought and emotion causes him to be somewhat of an empath, feeling what others feel. He is decidedly against the suffering of others as their anguish is transmitted to him and he finds such to be unpleasant. He is far from being morally upright though as he doesn't mind atrocities committed so long as they don't affect his studies or are some far removed from him.

History: Hyde comes from a long line of magi. Their history spanning into the thousands of years with almost a hundred generations in the running. Even then they have little to nothing to show for in their research beyond a unique family crest. That's because Hyde comes from, what he himself describes as, a family of idiots. Where other magi lineages practice and research their arts for the sake of reaching the root, his family had always practiced magecraft solely to prove common sense wrong just because they can. Hyde admits though that he himself is not so different from them as he has no interest in reaching the root at all. In fact what little research he has done on that regard is done purely out if spite for the mage associations in general so he can go the root and back to lord over the others. He does not plan to actually make use of this travel to commune or control the root or whatever. Hyde's nature is such that he likes to figure things out. The moment of obtaining the answer and the steps that lead to it are far more important than the answer itself or the difficulty of the question. To reach the root and obtain the answers from it regarding the origin of the world and how to shape it is something he finds to be a rather boring process as it feels like cheating. Though he does research on a way to reach the root, he does not inherit any material from his predecessors or father because the man had no interest in the study either. Instead Hyde's father tried to prove the idea of uniformity of blood ensuring safe crest transplantation was false. So Hyde's British father went to Japan and pretty much built a polygamist's dream of a married arrangement with over 10 women who each bore at least 3 children to him. The Hendrikson family crest was then tested on all of them which resulted in half of the generation dying. None of Hyde's siblings survived the tests so he was the only one left of his litter. Hyde holds no love for his father because of this but cannot disdain the practice either because deep down Hyde knows he is capable of doing such a thing. In the end though the Hyde's father had technically proven the association wron because the chances of transplant failure by non-homogeniety of blood was placed at around 90% as opposed to the death toll by rejection amongst the Hendriksons at 50%


skills:

Hendrikson Family Crest: EX
- This is thaumaturgy that could probably put true sorcery a run for its money. That's because unlike regular crests, the Hendrikson family spell crest was made in such a way that it could be passed on to all of a magus' offspring. There would be no need for an heir anymore because all children can gain use of it to some extent.

- The crest is divided into two parts. A core soul which is pretty much nothing but information and memories, as well as terminal bodies. As implied, there is only one core soul while there are multiple terminal bodies. This is because the terminal body crests are the ones being given to members of the Hendrikson house magi. The core soul itself exists in a separate space far removed from the world itself and yet retaining a bond with the terminal body crests.

- The core soul contains most of the family crest's functions such as accumulated magic circuits and collective thaumaturgical processes of the whole clan. It retains a tether to the real world and sends mana to supplement those with body terminal crests. When required for dire usage, the core soul crest can be summoned into the real world to link with the body terminal crest of the summoner. This completes the formation of magic circuits provided by the completed family crest as opposed to the normal prana supply. However the summoning process requires a ten-count aria and is automatically returned to the other dimension after 24 hours if the borrower has not returned it. If the crest has been tampered with the to retain control of it after 24 hours, it is retrieved by force by a dragon.

- The dragon is a completely different case from the crest as it was only contained by the ancestor of the ancestor who created the family crest. The dragon was captured and sealed and somehow directed into acting as the crest's guardian after some hundred or so Hendrikson ancestors and a whole lot of "Neener neener neener"s to the magi community collective who said taming a dragon is impossible.

- the body terminals act as antennas to keep the core soul tethered to the original dimension and provide the base material for physical manifestation of magic circuits. Think of it like stem cells waiting for the proper DNA and RNA that the core soul provides before forming into the magic circuits. It also receives information inside the core soul allowing the connected magi to obtain knowledge stored inside the core soul.

- A fascinating concept of the body terminals is that they have another function, that is to harvest magic circuits. Those who die with the body terminal crests on them have their magic circuits posthumously collected and sent to the core soul collective. This allows the family to crest to have stored over thousands of magic circuits over the many years since the crest's creation from multiple members of the Hendrikson clan. The body terminal also requires no transfer as it automatically returns to the core soul along with the modifications made to it by the terminal owner. This is a type of privacy guard for the owner as it means their research in thaumaturgy is safe until their death. Or if they are willing to share it at all.

Omnipath: D++
- Due to his origin, Hyde has developed a skill that directly links with thoughts, ideas and emotions. He reads not only books but situations, expressions, magecraft, everything. Because he is not truly capable of comprehending things naturally as humans are limited, he does not possess an extent of understanding to be described as omniscient. This ability of his merely allows him to understand and interact with a subject. Any magecraft of lower rank can be instantly understood while higher rank or any artifact, thought, history connected to magecraft of a higher rank requires time to fully comprehend. When he gains a clue or inspiration on the subject, his ability to read can so much as triple. Allowing for instant understanding or dramatically increasing the speed of comprehension. Things of a different plane can cause pain to Hyde because they cannot be understood by the scope of someone who is limited by his humanity. This causes immense stress on his mind, enough to cause aneurysms. However gaining a clue or a bridge as a manner of understanding beings like ORTs or Gilgamesh's Enma Elish can allow him to view them with little to no problem at all.

Fire Manipulation: B
- As a magus aligned with flame, Hyde is capable of manipulating fire. Since childhood, he has often lit fire in his hands using nothing but his prana and controlling it for fun, or literally playing with fire. Into his adolescence as he begins to live alone, he starts using his fire magic for more mundane uses as lighting candles, cooking, heating his bath and all sorts of other things just to cut down on his bills. This has allowed him to hone his own ability to control fire without the need for incantations to a ridiculous degree as one could mistake him for having affinity for all elements with how he controls his flames. However this level of control only extends to flames of a size he can hold in his hands. Due to having never needed bigger flames, he displays a surprising lack of control; almost half to what one would expect of him.

- Hyde separates his fire manipulation into two processes, Creation and Control. Creation also includes maintenance and this was the first part he mastered. Control and manipulation came afterwards. Larger flames require greater concentration in Creation and Maintenance leaving less focus on control. If fire already exists though in a sufficient size then Hyde can pour his focus into control and lose much less hold on his flames, negating much of the downside of manipulating large flames.

Bounded Field: E
- Being a cornerstone of magecraft, the ability to create a bounded field is not beyond Hyde. But because he had very little interest in it, he only studied enough just to prove he could do it. His bounded fields thus far come in two varieties: one that informs him if someone has crossed his boundary and one that subconsciously directs people away.

Structural Analysis: C
- Also a basic spell for magi. Hyde had fair skill for this ability. However, he eventually lost interest in it after deeming that his ability with it is adequate. His Structural Analysis is still imperfect though as it is possible to fool him by building blindspots and hiding things with magecraft.

Reinforcement: D
- A basic spell Hyde is fairly average with. Though he can reinforce objects to a great extent, it is still not to the utmost maximum. His ability to reinforce himself is also limited to increasing his physical abilities by 10-20%