Author Topic: Cross Effects - Sign Up, Discussion Page  (Read 175128 times)

KAIZA

  • Best Oni
  • Administrator
  • NPC
  • **********
  • Posts: 363
    • View Profile
    • DeviantArt Page
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #30 on: June 22, 2013, 06:35:17 PM »
By the way, for those of you who have read my character sheet and have knowledge on the respective franchises that I used for him, do I need to redo the sheet to be even slightly more realistic? I'm more than willing to if it turns out to be an issue.
Okay, I wanted to respond to you about your character some time ago, but overall, I agree with what everyone already said. That said, I'll pick apart what I think are the problems...

-His backstory is a mess. Ignoring certain things (like the abandoning in Japan and Lina being Nanoha's mother), it just screams Sue. I mean, at age five he's already an assassin (dragging Nanoha into it...for some reason), helps in Abstergo's downfall (age five), gets involved in the plot of Nanoha (this is the most plausible part), next part I'm not familiar with, but gaining better abilities while lacking mobility. Which, apparently, also healed him. Then, after that is the inverse, Nanoha in HP. How they got invited there despite living in a far away country without HP backstory like Harry, I dunno, it's still one of the two more plausible parts. Another mix of familiar and unfamiliar elements, though I don't know what happens at the end. “Shot everything to Hell”? And then more mixed plots, now with StrikerS, and without much clarification.

Yeah...no.
-His stats...you put on the same scale as a Servant. Aside from recommending you use a scale of his own species rather than Servants, Servant scale is at minimum ten times human maximum. Which means your character is on par with a Servant. And some of those stats are downright ridiculous. I mean, A+++? Flying at the speed of light? Also, how can someone be an A on Servant scale, and E- on human simultaneously (as I've explained earlier)? Probably got those switched around. You don't give any stat for Mag. Ability, that's a no. The description just makes him sound even more Sueish. By the way, magic and strength are separate, so you should have written the D+ (which is still way too strong).

Actually...
-The descriptions. All of them give the impression of him being even far more overpowered.

Joking: “Seriously, mix Red Staff magical ability with Blue Staff magic abilities, and what do you get? Massive Overkill!”
Serious: “Harry Potter as raised by Lina Inverse, who's Nanoha's birth mother in this scenario. Magical abilities are something that come to him, not the other way around... and that's before he learns about his Magic Circuits”

“Handyman of the Year (that last one's because he's a pro at fixing things that get broken, including Devices. Ask Nanoha and Fate if you don't believe me)”

See what I mean? I'll just leave the “Show, don't tell” advice here.

Also, he has no weakness? No personality flaws that could be exploited? Doesn't he have some power restriction? Anything? At the very least write “None” rather than...
“any attempt to get to him would require overpowering his sister... good luck with that.”
That reads more like a taunt than anything. Refer to my point above.

Hell, not only that, but his “likes” implies he has Nanoha characters as a harem. Don't...please don't.

To be brutally honest...it hurt to read through it. I mean you no offense...but you seriously need to turn this down a few notches. Several notches.
I'm honestly not sure how that impression came across from it. I've not made him out to be particularly powerful, he's just vaguely competent and learning to be better.

As for his training, though, it's not so much they've been pushing him as it is he's been pushing himself, and they've just supported him in that.
Didn't Shirou practically die/not-quite-die because of pushing himself too much? I'd think they'd try to avoid him pushing himself, rather than support him on that.
Anyhow, if you want some advice on that, well...maybe turning down his abilities a notch could help. It won't mean he's helpless, it's just that having that much skill at his age just seems implausible, specially given the circumstances.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2013, 06:41:25 PM by KAIZA »

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #31 on: June 22, 2013, 07:37:44 PM »
Didn't Shirou practically die/not-quite-die because of pushing himself too much? I'd think they'd try to avoid him pushing himself, rather than support him on that.

Shirou practically died because Kiritsugu never bothered to inform him that making a new magic circuit every time you do magic is a spectacularly bad idea....

Quote
Anyhow, if you want some advice on that, well...maybe turning down his abilities a notch could help. It won't mean he's helpless, it's just that having that much skill at his age just seems implausible, specially given the circumstances.

His abilities aren't that exceptional, though. I toned-down the language about re-inforcement, but I don't see anything else that makes him out to be particularly strong.

lantzblades

  • Black King of the round table
  • Alter Ego
  • *******
  • Posts: 3666
  • GM
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #32 on: June 23, 2013, 12:15:12 PM »
@ xam remove Lina inverse from that bio immediately, the woman and any subsequent children she has are automatically game breaking, the woman has three of her world's most powerful spells  and is a deity magnet. The word broken was given it's pop culture definition because of her. Further it's ok to go around mega man style picking up abilities but serious thought needs to be put into the hows and whys of the journey to justify such accruements

@ mike thing is that at 12 what your expecting is unreasonable the kids parents and attitude along with his age do not add up to his supposed ability.

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #33 on: June 23, 2013, 02:38:45 PM »
@ mike thing is that at 12 what your expecting is unreasonable the kids parents and attitude along with his age do not add up to his supposed ability.

What aspects of his "ability"? Nothing I've said implies that he's particularly powerful. And, his parents will not be discouraging him from learning magic, they just won't force him into it.

lantzblades

  • Black King of the round table
  • Alter Ego
  • *******
  • Posts: 3666
  • GM
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #34 on: June 23, 2013, 07:50:06 PM »
His ability period

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #35 on: June 23, 2013, 07:54:37 PM »
His ability period

Yeah, sorry, you need to be more specific, because I don't see anything wrong with him.

lantzblades

  • Black King of the round table
  • Alter Ego
  • *******
  • Posts: 3666
  • GM
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #36 on: June 23, 2013, 08:07:00 PM »
He's too young, his parents aren't pushing lessons on him and he doesn't take them seriously. This combined with his skills  makes them over the top

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #37 on: June 23, 2013, 08:10:39 PM »
He's too young, his parents aren't pushing lessons on him and he doesn't take them seriously.

I never said he didn't take his lessons seriously, at least when it comes to fighting.

Quote
This combined with his skills  makes them over the top

Again, which skills are "over the top"? What specific aspects of the sheet do you not like?

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #38 on: June 26, 2013, 11:46:47 PM »
Hmm, I'm currently trying to work out Sakura's abilities, but aside from some sort of shadow archery thing, I'm not too sure what she should be capable of by this stage. Does anyone have any ideas?

Also, I'm wondering where I should have them be living. My intention was for Sakura to have given the Emiya house to her eldest child, Aoi, having moved out because it wasn't big enough for her family, and so she could be nearer to Rin. But, I'm not sure where she would move to. The Tohsaka house is a possibility, but it is, obviously, Rin's house (although Rin would likely see her as having the right to live there, at least). Alternately, they could build a house nearby. The obvious location would be where the Matou house is, since it is literally next door, but I'm not sure how Sakura would react to that (assuming they demolished the old house and built a new one).
« Last Edit: June 27, 2013, 12:01:04 AM by Cherry Lover »

lantzblades

  • Black King of the round table
  • Alter Ego
  • *******
  • Posts: 3666
  • GM
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #39 on: June 28, 2013, 01:24:38 AM »
Why exactly does Sakura have any say in shirous house? He owns it, logically it makes no sense, the emiya house is huge and kids move out

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #40 on: June 28, 2013, 01:39:06 AM »
Why exactly does Sakura have any say in shirous house?

Because Shirou would never see it as "his" house. Sakura has been living there with him since she was 16, and they are a married couple. As far as he is concerned the house belongs to both of them.

Of course it wouldn't be solely her decision, but it wouldn't be solely down to Shirou either. He's not going to just turn around to her and tell her "we're moving house" without giving her a say in it, and nor is he going to tell her "no, we can't move, I own this house".

Quote
He owns it, logically it makes no sense, the emiya house is huge and kids move out

They move out eventually, yes, but not immediately. Plus, I would kind-of like them to move a bit closer to where Rin is. And, it makes sense for them to give Aoi somewhere to live.

I'm not totally sure how big the Emiya house is. Does it have enough bedrooms for Sakura and Shirou, Rider (she would have her own room for privacy, even if she doesn't strictly need to sleep) and four children (plus probably some spare for guests)? If not then they would probably need to move at some point.

Alice

  • Administrator
  • Master
  • **********
  • Posts: 1700
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #41 on: June 28, 2013, 06:46:05 AM »
Like Mike said, they're married. Why wouldn't she have a say in what happens to the house? Though the house is pretty big. It has enough room to fit Sakura, Rider, Rin, Saber, and Shirou at the very least in Fate/Hollow Ataraxia, and that's not accounting for any additional rooms it may have. Plus it's a Japanese style mansion; while it's not as humongous as you would expect a mansion to be (especially compared to the Einzbern castle for example), but it's still pretty big. More than big enough for a married couple and their four kids (plus a couple of guests every once in awhile). So that's something to consider.

As for the Matou mansion, I don't think Sakura would even want to go back to the grounds with a new house built back up on top. Too much trauma related to that house and everything that happened to her there.

And for Sakura's abilities, it's possible to take inspiration from the final fight in F/HA for that. Alternatively, while it's a bit risky since it's just a fan game, using her Battle Moon Wars skills for inspiration also might work.   

Besides running the forum, I can provide avatars for people as well~
This is my mod voice. ...Most of the time anyway.

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #42 on: June 28, 2013, 03:56:36 PM »
Like Mike said, they're married. Why wouldn't she have a say in what happens to the house? Though the house is pretty big. It has enough room to fit Sakura, Rider, Rin, Saber, and Shirou at the very least in Fate/Hollow Ataraxia, and that's not accounting for any additional rooms it may have. Plus it's a Japanese style mansion; while it's not as humongous as you would expect a mansion to be (especially compared to the Einzbern castle for example), but it's still pretty big. More than big enough for a married couple and their four kids (plus a couple of guests every once in awhile). So that's something to consider.

Hmm, yeah, that does make them moving somewhat odd, although being closer to Rin's house would make life easier.

Quote
As for the Matou mansion, I don't think Sakura would even want to go back to the grounds with a new house built back up on top. Too much trauma related to that house and everything that happened to her there.

Honestly, I think she could cope with it, but I guess it wouldn't be ideal.

Quote
And for Sakura's abilities, it's possible to take inspiration from the final fight in F/HA for that. Alternatively, while it's a bit risky since it's just a fan game, using her Battle Moon Wars skills for inspiration also might work.

Well, whilst HA is a good starting point, it doesn't really show what she would be capable of after years of training. As for BMW, I've looked at that already, and I intend to use her archery attack from that. But aside from that it doesn't have anything much I can use. She only has one other attack (aside from her combo with Shirou, which is silly) and I'm not sure how to use it. It's Battle Moon Wars - Matou Sakura - Kirsche Drang Gral, BTW. There's also Battle Moon Wars - Matou Sakura - Kirsche - Gestalt but that's a less powerful one and doesn't really involve shadow magic.

lantzblades

  • Black King of the round table
  • Alter Ego
  • *******
  • Posts: 3666
  • GM
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #43 on: June 29, 2013, 02:05:52 AM »
Rin lives about five blocks away if she has to move closer than she's just a lazy fat ass. Shirous house means a lot to him and seriously kids move out, not the other way around

Cherry Lover

  • The Maintainer
  • SE.RA.PH
  • **********
  • Posts: 6123
    • View Profile
Re: Cross Effects
« Reply #44 on: June 29, 2013, 02:15:57 AM »
Rin lives about five blocks away if she has to move closer than she's just a lazy fat ass.

I remember Sakura has a pretty substantial walk to Shirou's house. Something like 45 minutes....

Quote
Shirous house means a lot to him

Really?

Quote
seriously kids move out, not the other way around

Well, yes, true....