Author Topic: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo  (Read 1233 times)

Arch-Magos Winter

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Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« on: August 09, 2014, 03:35:41 AM »
So I promised you guys this, so I'll give ya it



So, right, Sweden. Glorious land of meatballs and people who say BORK BORK BORK a lot. At the start, nothing really special, aside from being under a personal union. In 1444, and hence at the start of the game, Sweden was under the Kalmar Union AKA Denmark holding Norway and Sweden with an iron fist and being dicks. The union will end if I rebel, there's no heir to Denmark's throne, or Denmark has negative prestige. I take a mission to convert Lappland (easy enough) and start preparing myself to -

Wait hold on:



I forgot Denmark was having some troubles with pretender rebels. I cross my fingers for them to succeed, as it'll tank Denmark's prestige.



No such luck. They go out with a wimper. Ah well. It bought me a little more time and cost Denmark some cash and men. Plus I need to wait for Lithuania to get PU'd with Poland - otherwise their alliance with Denmark would spell DISASTER for any attempted independence war.

It happens. I've lucked out. Time to exploit the fuck out of how independence wars work.



First thing I did: ditch nearly every ship for a galley. Then parked my schoolbus of oars in the Kattergat and cut Denmark's armies in half. It takes a while - a long while - but I'm finally able to enforce the demands I actually wanted: All my god damn cores you son of a bitch. Independence now would doom me to an assreaming from the Kalmar union and Muscovy later on.



This looks better, don't you agree? Novogrod got fucked the hell up by Muscovy. Worrying, but I can deal with it.



By 'deal with it' I mean of course, Taking some delicious clay from the Republic, after a short and successful independance war from our masters in Denmark. This (including a laughably failed attempt to take Danzig from the Teutonic Order) is enough to tank the prestige of Denmark enough to let the Kalmar Union self destruct on the death of Christopher von Wittlesbach the Third, or better known as the 'Swedish whipping boy' for how badly we kicked his ass twice in a row. We welcome our newfound free Scandinavian brethren with a collar, and a short war later, Norway is a vassal of Sweden. I'm in control of 2/3 of the Kalmar 'Union' now with this, and about to fucking bring the pain to whoever the fuck I want.



An alliance with Poland later, and I'm starting to show why Russia will never be formed to Muscovy - because I'm breathing down their necks with a desire for land/hot russian bitches. Or more accurately, to take Russia down a peg and force them into a secondary power in the Baltic. This should teach them to ally with Denmark. (Also yes I did occupy Moscow. I like to think my god tier general walked in and installed Ikea furniture everywhere, to teach the Muscovites who's their new fucking impossible to put together overlord. I just steal a province from them to seal their access to the Baltic off, then force them to pay me monies for wasting my time killing 90% of their peasants, plus force them to release the Kingdom of Perm to cut their domain in half. They'll still be able to colonize to Siberia, but this will make them far more likely to get fucked by the Hordes because the majority of their troops are in the west.



And here's where I stopped. It's only 1509, and shit is already getting real. The Protestant Reformation has overtaken several nations, the power of the Holy Roman Empire fading as the Danes take on the Hanseatic League - and keep annoyingly fucking winning. Burgundy still exists, having survived past its risk of the Burgundian Inheritance event firing and splitting them between Austria and France. Which sadly has let France expand like a motherfucker into the Low Countries. The Big Blue Blob is starting to form, and god help us all if they manage to make inroads into Germany.

Cherry Lover

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2014, 02:27:04 AM »
It happens. I've lucked out. Time to exploit the fuck out of how independence wars work.

Hmm, what do you mean by this? What did this war actually do?

Arch-Magos Winter

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #2 on: August 12, 2014, 12:46:18 AM »
It happens. I've lucked out. Time to exploit the fuck out of how independence wars work.

Hmm, what do you mean by this? What did this war actually do?
You need to CHOOSE independence in your war negotiations to get it. If you choose to say, just reclaim your cores, you stay in the personal union, utterly tank their prestige, and laugh about it all day to the bank as whatever wars you may have started are suddenly your overlord's issue.

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2014, 12:54:49 AM »
It happens. I've lucked out. Time to exploit the fuck out of how independence wars work.

Hmm, what do you mean by this? What did this war actually do?
You need to CHOOSE independence in your war negotiations to get it. If you choose to say, just reclaim your cores, you stay in the personal union, utterly tank their prestige, and laugh about it all day to the bank as whatever wars you may have started are suddenly your overlord's issue.

What does "reclaim your cores" mean? That they don't have the right to attack you once you're independent?

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2014, 02:11:13 AM »
What does "reclaim your cores" mean? That they don't have the right to attack you once you're independent?
Cores are my lands. You get a province, you need to core it, AKA make it truly part of your nation. Sweden starts with 5 different cores to grab, that just so happen to be controlled by the other parts of the Kalmar union. 

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2014, 02:47:59 AM »
What does "reclaim your cores" mean? That they don't have the right to attack you once you're independent?
Cores are my lands. You get a province, you need to core it, AKA make it truly part of your nation. Sweden starts with 5 different cores to grab, that just so happen to be controlled by the other parts of the Kalmar union.

Hmm, right, so you mean that you forced them to give you provinces that you have a core on but didn't control?

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2014, 04:01:06 AM »
What does "reclaim your cores" mean? That they don't have the right to attack you once you're independent?
Cores are my lands. You get a province, you need to core it, AKA make it truly part of your nation. Sweden starts with 5 different cores to grab, that just so happen to be controlled by the other parts of the Kalmar union.

Hmm, right, so you mean that you forced them to give you provinces that you have a core on but didn't control?
Yep! It's pretty much how you play as a LOT of nations. Cores are the way to reclaim land, and reclaim land like a boss.

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2014, 02:36:05 AM »
Part 2: In Which I Kick The Fucking Ass Of Just About Everyone In Europe Over Estonia




So right, when we left off I'd just kicked Muscovy's teeth in, given Denmark a wet willy, and in general fucking owned shit. The next amount of years has been me converting all my provinces to being good Catholics, so when the reformation hits I can jump on that shit. I've also started some claims on the Livonian Order, started to integrate Norway (AKA my bottom bitch) and in general just be awesome, and work on my tech and ideas while I wait for shit to happen.



In this case I MAKE shit happen. Because I can. And also because the Livonian Order has delicious delicious land that I want. The war pretty much goes about how you think it would. I snatch up a pair of provinces and laugh like a madman

Sadly a lack of screenshots of a series of rather embarrassing conflicts - for me and them. First, Russia tries to reclaim Lagoda from me, and Denmark hops in the fray. It doesn't go well for them, and I snatch up a part of Denmark proper.  Then, I decide to swap faiths, to Reformed. This is a move I regret almost immediately after going to war with the Livonian Order afterwords. Why? Motherfucking Castille. They're defender of the faith, and get called in to support the Livonian order. One fuck. Then Denmark tries to reclaim the two provinces they took from me. Two fucks. Then, Castille calls in motherfucking AUSTRIA to the party. Triple Fuck. I'm stuck fighting a war around the Baltic, until Austria decides I am no longer relevant to it's interests and declares a white peace which I snatch up eagerly. Sounds good right? Hahaha no. By the end of the war I'm playing wackamole with rebels and get Riga out of the deal. Not bad, as it causes Castille to get egg on it's face but I was hoping to Annex the Livonian order entirely. Quadruple fuck, because I wasted 10 years on a rather crappy war. Then, Denmark succeeded and got one of the provinces back. Quintuple fuck. Luckily, as soon as truce expires (And I'm no longer dealing with ALL THESE FUCKING RELIGIOUS REBELS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST) I take the Livonian order and annex it to hell and back. So have this picture.



See all those rather nice borders that look rather historical (Aside from Burgundy still existing) and cool? Yeah, not happening from now on.



Why? Because this happens. Once again I'm forced into a crazy run around the Baltic war, but it's actually rather hilarious just how badly I beat the shit out of Muscovy, along with Denmark. I have to have killed about 100,000 men on both fronts while suffering maybe a quarter of that in casualties. Thank god I built a march in Skane, or I'd have actually been in some serious trouble. I peace out with a deal that fucks Muscovy up when it comes to their alliance network, then bask in the smartness of having taken the Quantity idea tree to be able to keep pace with them manpower wise.

Oh yeah then Poland gets gangbanged by Austria and Muscovy and I have to nope out of that alliance. This does not bode well for Poland in the future, as I want the Baltic Coasts. Danzig is too big a plum to let the Polish have, especially when it will assure my dominance of the trade there.



Here's the crazy messed up borders of the world a mere decade or so after the last screenshot. I'm just about ready to go and murder the shit out of whoever decided that letting Denmark have that force limit boost to the navy was a good idea.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2014, 02:37:57 AM by Arch-Magos Winter »

Kat

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2014, 10:37:18 AM »
The campaign's dead, right?

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2014, 05:32:04 AM »
yep

Kat

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2014, 10:41:42 AM »
sadfrog.jpg

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2014, 04:10:06 AM »
The patches fucked with me.

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2014, 12:23:18 PM »
Redo then.

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #13 on: December 31, 2014, 03:24:20 PM »
Fine, I'll try a redo.

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Re: Europa Universalis IV Lets Play 2: Swedish Boogaloo
« Reply #14 on: December 31, 2014, 07:34:10 PM »
So let's get started shall we. Art of War's update added some nice new little perks to the game, namely a bit of a better 'choose your country' interface.



This is Sweden, 1444. It has pretty decent National Ideas, and National Traditions (+20% Infantry power and -20% Upkeep for Mercenaries) with a low base tax, a rather decent amount of provinces, and a manpower that is outstripped by most of its neighbors until it starts eating Scandinavia. Oh, it's also under a personal union with Denmark. This is a problem that needs to be solved eventually, but I've got time. Denmark takes care of its rebels without a fuss. This really wouldn't be too big of a problem for me as I've got more men at the moment, and better men. Oh, and mercenaries. 

Then this happens and I scuttle my budding fleet in favor of getting a warchest going. Independence can wait.



Lithuania. You motherfuckers. Arguably the strongest ally for anyone in the Baltic at the start, they have a HUGE manpower and force limit for the time, lots of tax, and a rather good king. They usually happen to fall under Polish control due to a Polish event, but that's secondary really. I can wait for them to either end up under a PU or for Denmark's alliance with them to falter in some war -



Oh. Oh shit.

This is pretty much the worst case scenario for me. Even if I hold back my troops, Denmark still has more powerful fleets and armies than the Teutonic Alliance. Danzig is also a particularly valuable province, and one I will need eventually to solidify my hold in the Baltic States.



Denmark though, seems to have a bad idea of just where exactly Danzig is. The Teutonic order also manages to white peace Lithuania out of the war, and they then promptly fall under Polish control. It just gets worse and worse for Denmark from then on out, even after they manage to FINALLY figure out where the Livonian and Teutonic Order are. Defeat is sweet indeed - the Danish prestige has taken a hit even though they got a rather decent heir.



And this folks, is something I happen to be thanking whatever merciful gods exist. Holstein is usually annexed early on by Denmark, which pushes them into being an equal of Sweden in regards to manpower and forcelimit. It's something I'll pay the Teuton's back for in some way. Likely by annexing them.

The short Swedish war of independence soon afterwords was successful, forcing Denmark to cede all their cores back to me - I left Norway one of mine out of desire for a cassis belli later on when the union inevitably implodes.



Novogrod has been beaten down by Muscovy, and Poland is rising. Austria and France are at eachother's throats due to the Burgundian Inheritance event firing. It's been ten years since the start of the game. Not bad.